It’s almost like how my ADHD brain thrives in chaos. But give me the conditions of the night I killed that man, and I’m a panting, sweaty mess on the side of the road, fully paralyzed and unable to get myself home.
“Greer?” a man calls when I enter and speak to the hostess.
I nod in his direction and thank the hostess for trying to assist me.
He already has a small booth on the wall that blends into the shadows of the busy restaurant, and I’m thankful.
Even if no one knows me, I feel like I’m notorious. Like my crime is written all over my face in bright red ink.
The date starts fine, except for his ordering my dinner for me. That’s annoyingly pompous of someone to do.
“So what do you do?” he asks, and I swallow my soft drink when he does.
“I’m the librarian in town.”
“Here? In Columbus?”
I nod. “What do you do?” It’s an attempt to get the topic of conversation off me and back onto him.
“Over the road truck driver.”
How the hell did Allison even meet him?
“Well, that’s interesting.”
He rolls his eyes. “It’s not really. I see yellow and white lines all day.”
“But you also see places I’ve only witnessed in books.”
He perks up at this, sitting straighter. He doesn’t have the stereotypical body of an over-the-road trucker. He’s very fit with lean muscles bulging in his arms and thighs.
“I never thought about it like that.”
“In a way, you’re a part of the network that keeps this country running. The blood in its veins.”
His eyes narrow as he sits forward. “I really like that. I guess I am.”
The conversation flows, and we exchange numbers at the end of the date. He’s a gentleman and doesn’t try to get me to come to his place or ask to go to mine, so instead of tossing his number away, I save it this time.
It’s a step in the right direction, but I’ll never call.
I don’t deserve love.
I don’t deserve the happiness I already have.
On the way home, my phone rings.
I already know it’s Allison before looking.
“Answer,” I tell CarPlay.
“Sooooo,” her interested voice croons as the call goes live.
“He’s… It was fine.”
“Fine?! Brent is the cream of the crop, girl. He’s got a good job, good values, and morals.”
“Where did you even meet him, anyway?”
