‘Hetty, I have to ask. I like you. Like,like-like you. If we’re going to keep hanging out, I have to know if you like me, too.’ Stella rubbed her temples. ‘I’ve been burned too many times. I don’t need my heart broken again.’
‘Your heart?’ Hetty repeated. ‘This is all very new to me, but my heart … my heart feels fuller around you.’
She had no idea which words in the English language could articulate how she felt around Stella. ‘I don’t … I can’t describe it. You … You areremarkable.’
She hadn’t said half of what she wanted to, but Stella seemed to understand. ‘You’re not out, are you?’
‘Out?’
‘You haven’t told anyone you like women – that you’re a lesbian.’
‘Only my aunts. But then, I have nobody else to tell,’ Hetty said. ‘I have had a hard time coming to terms with my desire for Sapphic love, but I feel I am getting closer recently.’
Stella laughed, then tilted her head at Hetty. ‘Sapphic love. God, that’s something only you would say, Hetty.’
Hetty took a deep breath, but Stella mercifully interrupted her. ‘We don’t have to talk about it. It’s fine.’ She picked up her bag and turned to leave.
‘Yes, Stella, we do. I want to. You fill my heart, my head, my body entirely. You’re all I think of at night and again when I wake. My soul sings out for you. So yes, I do believe I feel Sapphic passion toward you.’
Stella stopped in her tracks, dropping her bag, and slowly turned around. She looked taken aback, her eyes equal parts baffled and wild.
‘Hetty.’
Hetty felt as though her lungs might burst from the tension, but she’d rather die than look away. ‘Yes?’
‘Have you ever seen that scene inPride and Prejudicewhere Mr Darcy comes out of the lake with his shirt all wet?’
‘No.’
‘Okay, whatever. I think I know why everyone likes it now.’
Stella was in front of her, now, stooping down until herlips met Hetty’s cheek. A fleeting kiss, then Hetty felt breath tickling against her ear.
‘You’re freaking out, aren’t you? Let’s take it slow. See you next week.’
And then Hetty was all alone, not quite sure what had happened but knowing that her life would never be the same again.
Chapter 31
1817
It was a week after the Piano Incident when Max joined the family for dinner. Charlie jovially led in his guest, having found him at a loose end in their club, and Etta felt herself swell with happiness.
‘His old man’s home and he needs to get out of the mansion. Hard times, eh, Stanhope? I know Etta’s still in the doghouse, but I thought you wouldn’t mind if I brought him back to have some of your trifle, Mama.’
Their mother smiled at Max indulgently. ‘It’s hardly my trifle, Charles. Although it is true that Cook follows the family recipe. But you are always welcome to come and eat with us, as you know, Maximillian, trifle or no.’
‘Thank you, Lady Bainbridge. And I’m very pleased to hear you’re serving my favourite pudding.’
It had been a hard couple of days for Etta. She had yet to venture outside the house and nobody at all had called. It felt as though she were infamous. Even Max hadn’t shown his face – not even a note through Bessie. The shame had felt like lead weights pressing down on her – and yet all she’ddone was sing one of the biggest hits of her generation. It was so unfair.
She’d felt particularly melodramatic as the bracelet clinked against her diary as she wrote, curled up in the big bay window looking out into the garden.
But then her mother had gone visiting, and a few good family friends had put it about how delightfully eccentric the hilarious Henrietta Bainbridge was, and then to cap it all: Miss Morridge had been kidnapped by the Earl of Kinnock and taken to Gretna Green. ‘How fortunate!’ her mother had said.
Poor Miss Morridge had been a close friend of Maria Marley, thought to be being courted by Smythe. In a double blow, it transpired that she was quite a willing guest of the Earl of Kinnock – and visibly pregnant. The scandal had put the seal on things for Etta, who had been given one last final scolding by her mother and then reluctantly forgiven.
It had been a difficult two weeks of looking wistfully at her golden bracelet, but the fact her whole family had come together to get through the scandalous occurrence of a relatively obscure and unpopular damsel singing an inappropriate song at a dinner party had kept her from looking too closely.
