‘Said what?’
‘You’ve already got the answer to your problems.’
‘Have I?’
‘Yes. If you don’t want to be here, and the place is massively in debt – just sell it.’
Jess’s mobile began to bleat for her attention, and as she turned away to answer it, Sebastian took his leave. He had a lot to think about, and Jess’s suggestion, albeit one he himself had mooted, had just added itself to the pile.
Once Sebastian had dropped his bombshell, and with Olivia still bleating to Candida about the party, Dee slipped away and headed outside. She’d already taken her walk and had been feeling calm and at peace after a brisk circuit through the new plantation. She hadn’t wanted to watch the police drama on the television, had almost suggested that Olivia should turn it off and show some initiative. Todo something. To make something of her life.
And yet, what did she actually expect Olivia to go and do? Olivia had never strayed far from the castle. She’d gone away to school, had returned with Candida in tow and, apart from travelling for a while, had remained in Kirkshield ever since, mirroring everything her father did like she was his shadow.
Partly, Dee knew Olivia had done her best to ingratiate herself with her father purelybecauseshe returned to the castle with Candida. It was as though Olivia had thought if she earned enough brownie points with him, perhaps one day he would accept her for who she truly was. Olivia and her father were so alike – they were both stubborn and determined. Maybe it would have been easier if Olivia had realised his views on single-sex relationships weren’t ever likely to alter, no matter what she did to try to impress him. In her own way, Olivia had been just as smothered by Henry as everyone else, so perhaps it wasn’t a surprise she’d never tried to achieve anything for herself – maybe holding on to Candida had been as much as she’d been able to manage.
As Dee pulled on a coat, scrabbled into her boots and grabbed for a hat, all she knew was that she needed fresh air. She needed a moment to assimilate what had just happened.
How could there be no money? Sebastian must have been exaggerating, making his point with dramatic effect. There had to be money, didn’t there?
Although, if she paused to think about it, she had been aware of how easily Henry had spent money, how little interest he’d ever shown in the estate’s finances.
Dee stomped through the gardens, deep in thought. Maybe the real question should be what hadshedone withherlife?
Turned a blind eye to the bad and remained ignorant to most of the rest, it seemed. And now, if Sebastian was serious about exploring options to sell the estate, everything Dee had done to protect it, to protect those who worked for it – especially Robbie – would all be for nothing. Had she completely misjudged every aspect of her life?
Dee stopped, resting her hand against the reassuringly sturdy trunk of one of the copper beech trees. It was denuded, now, the beautiful colour of its leaves nothing more than a memory to be cherished until the following spring.
But would they still be there to see this tree unfurl its brand-new leaves?
Pushing away from the trunk, Dee headed away. She had no destination in mind, no clear view of anything much as she stumbled away from the castle and headed for the track to take her somewhere else. She didn’t hear him at first, couldn’t make anything out past the roaring in her head.
‘Your Ladyship, is everything all right?’
She glanced around, confused, her eyes taking far too long to focus on the figure striding in her direction. She wondered if she was having some kind of a stroke until she realised she couldn’t focus because her eyes were full of tears, which slunk from one side of her vision to the other until she blinked repeatedly and rubbed at her face to eradicate them.
He checked they were alone, then lowered his tone. ‘Dee, what’s wrong?’
Shaking her head, she waved a hand in his direction. ‘No. Robbie, I’m absolutely fine. Honestly.’
If the rise in his eyebrows were any clue, he wasn’t buying her words. She didn’t blame him. They hadn’t convinced her either, and she was the one who’d been wearing the lie like a cloak for the past thirty years.
‘If I’m speaking out of turn, please tell me, but you don’t look all right.’
Dee was grateful he hadn’t resorted to using a formal title, was glad he seemed to have let go of the starchy way she’d parted from him after they’d jumped the river. The memory of the moment they’d shared on the banks of the river Kirk rolled over Dee: the way she’d been oh-so-close to him, even if only for a few seconds, stole her breath as she stared at him. His gaze didn’t leave hers, and he remained absolute, still and solid and present as everything else Dee knew, or thought she’d known, liquified and swirled around inside her brain.
She should have left Henry years and years ago. She shouldn’t have pretended for so long. She should have pushed Olivia to make something of her life, to go and be with Candida openly. She should have made sure Freya was marrying Christian because she loved him, not because he was her way out. She shouldn’t have made Sebastian come home if he didn’t want to.
Dee tried not to crumple. She did her level best to keep her features under control, to hold back the tears. But it was like trying to push back a spring tide, and instead Dee buried her face in her hands as the tears forced their way out.
‘What if I got everything completely wrong?’ she whispered.
She wasn’t sure whether Robbie had heard her, but regardless of the words he was at her side, an arm around her shoulder. A firm, reassuring, male arm around her shoulder, providing Dee with a sensation she also hadn’t felt for such a long, long time.
‘Come away inside,’ Robbie said, his voice level and calm as he led her through the open gate into his garden, unlatching and pushing wide the door to his cottage as he added, ‘Let me get you a drink.’
His kitchen was warm, and Dee couldn’t help but notice the way he deftly swept up underwear and socks, laid out to dry on the warming plate of the range, and dumped them in a small basket to one side. The action prompted her to smile. The intimate nature of a small cottage was something she’d never really experienced. In the castle there was so much space, and the day-to-day workings of life were so hidden from view, it had been far too easy to allow the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ to take control.
‘Please, sit,’ he said.
