‘I still care about her. Is that wrong?’ Looking through the window again, Johnny added, ‘I want to hate her, but I don’t.’
‘She’s the mother of your child. That’s never going to change.’
‘She’s still a fucking liar.’
‘You’ll find a way through,’ Fran said, reaching across to touch the arm of his chair.
‘You think?’
‘I know.’ It was the first time Fran had sounded so definite about there being life after a failed relationship, the possibility of a meaningful new start after thinking your life was wrecked.
‘If they do end up together, at least I know he loves Estelle,’ he said, the tremble in his voice unmistakeable.
Fran looked away as tears began to build in Johnny’s eyes, and he made no move to hide his emotion. She stayed quiet and still as he wept, pretended not to notice his giant breath and the way he scrubbed the tears away, then tried to fix a smile onto uncooperative lips.
‘Fuck, I’m such a mess. I’m sorry, Fran, I didn’t mean to drag you into this.’
‘You haven’t dragged me into anything. It’s fine.’
‘Do you remember yesterday, when we were talking at that dilapidated chateau, and you asked why we were there?’
‘Yes. You said you had some pie in the sky idea, but nothing would come of it.’
‘Thing is, when Noel and I started our business, I was sure it was going to work out. Don’t get me wrong, Noel’s always been a character, he has a temper and needs to be kept busy. But it’s always been the two of us. Us against the world, that kind of thing. When our dad buggered off and it was all Mum could do to get up in the mornings, we made a pact, Noel and me. To protect one another. I suppose that carried us through the setting up of the business, and the formative years. It seemed like the right thing, but it seems that protection had a shelf life I wasn’t aware of.’
Fran waited; she didn’t want to interrupt Johnny’s flow. This was a far deeper truth than he’d given her in the car the day before.
‘I should have known there was more to it. Maybe I chose not to notice the shift, but Noel, well, he’s changed. We’ve all changed and I’m so tired of trying to put a brave face on for the benefit of the business. I’ve been going through the motions for a while, now. Pretending that this is what I want. Lying to myself that Taylor Made Wine was the only way to provide for my family.But when Natalie told me she’d been unfaithful, I suppose the cracks began to widen. It forced me to re-evaluate. And now …?’
‘Perhaps this is the chance you need to totally change direction?’ Fran said.
‘Yeah, but where am I supposed to head next? The only thing I know for sure is I’ll be liquidating my business alongside my marriage when I return to the UK.’
‘And the chateau we visited? Chateau des Rêves? Where does that fit in?’
An idea had occurred to Fran, but she wondered if Johnny might get there without further prompting.
‘I genuinely don’t know. All I know is that the very first time I caught sight of it, when I drove past with Ricky and Ed, something happened to me. It was like I had to go there. I had to see it.’ He shifted his gaze onto her, a crease deepening between his eyes. ‘Does that sound totally poncy?’
Fran smiled. ‘Well, nottotally…’
‘A bit poncy, then?’ The uptick in his expression cancelled out the frown. ‘I suppose I had this mad idea of throwing everything to the wind and moving to France.’
‘And why is that mad?’
‘Because Estelle lives in England.’
Fran pursed her lips. Having a parent either side of the Channel would complicate life for Johnny’s daughter, but it didn’t have to be a dealbreaker. After all, loads of people survived with one parent and turned out just fine. She tilted her head. Mostly fine, anyway. And it wasn’t as though Johnny planned on ditching his daughter, like some fathers did. That thought made Fran shift in her chair, but she pushed it away.
‘Although I suppose we’re going to have to split up the time we spend with her anyway, so perhaps the where isn’t as important as the when.’ Johnny answered his own question, standing andheading for one of the turret windows. Perching on the window seat, he looked fractionally more relaxed. But then the crease was back, marring the smooth skyline of his forehead.
‘It’s still madness, though. And even if we manage to divide the business, there’s no way I’ll have enough to put down much more than a deposit on that chateau. Never mind the renovation costs, and the repayments on the loan I’d have to persuade some clinically insane bank to agree to. And for why? So that Estelle can holiday in a castle?’
‘Were you thinking you’d just live in it, then?’ Fran inched him along his thought process.
‘What else am I going to do with it? It’ll probably take me the next fifteen years to renovate it, anyway. Plus, I’ll have to get a job to help pay for it all. Have to go and work at Monsieur Beaufoy’s vineyard or something.’
Johnny stared at the view and the moments passed. Fran was about to suggest her idea when Johnny sucked in a breath. He swung around to look at her, his expression animated.
