‘Understand? Oh, I think I understood perfectly what happened, Natalie.’
‘None of this has been easy.’
‘No. It’s been a long way from that.’ Johnny ran a hand across his forehead.
‘Is there any way back?’
He hadn’t expected that. ‘For us, you mean?’
Natalie sighed.
Johnny didn’t reply, instead he grinned as Estelle waved a Snow White doll at the camera and clambered back onto Natalie’s lap. Didn’t reply because there was no way back, or because he didn’t think he could bear to be without Estelle? Johnny wasn’t sure.
Chapter 15
On his way back into the chateau after his call to Natalie, Johnny couldn’t pack away his unsettled feelings. He’d been carrying them with him ever since the day Natalie had confessed to having had an affair. Johnny thought he’d managed to get a handle on them, he thought he knew how to contain the dragon Natalie had released that day. No, notthatday, not the day she’d been so angry with Johnny that she’d lost a grip on what she was saying and had blurted the truth. That day was disastrous, obviously. But that wasn’t the day the dragon came into existence. That had happened the day she’d first slept with someone else, whenever that had been, and from that moment the dragon had lain dormant, slowly building its inferno, until the truth had finally come out.
Once the initial disbelief, then the anger, had subsided, he’d spent so much time trying to work out if he could tell when she’d begun the affair. Had there been signs which he’d ignored? Had everyone else seen it, everyone except him? Had he been so engrossed with the business that he’d missed the warning signals? Hadn’t noticed Natalie becoming so disengaged with their relationship that she needed to look elsewhere for validation? How had he failed her so badly?
And each time his mind swirled through these thoughts there was never a resolution. Never an answer. However hard he tried; he couldn’t see how he might have fixed it.
They should have talked more, that much was obvious. Maybe that way they would have headed the danger off, could have grown closer, rather than drifting apart. But it was too late for that, now. The damage was done. The dragon was flying free,ready to set light to even the most innocent of conversations, the smallest of misunderstandings.
Was Natalie serious about trying again?
A big part of Johnny wanted nothing more than to go back to the UK after this trip and move back into number six, Heather Drive. On one level it would be the easiest thing in the world to slide back into his old life, to keep everything on an even keel for Estelle. But Johnny knew, deep down, it was never going to happen.
The trust was gone, and as far as Johnny was concerned, trust was the basis for everything.
He would fight tooth and nail to give Estelle the very best of himself, but that couldn’t include living a lie.
About to take the curving staircase from the foyer to the first floor, Johnny was distracted from his thoughts by a familiar voice.
Fran and another of the housekeeping staff were heading across the elaborate foyer parquet flooring, chatting amicably as they walked.
Johnny paused, one hand on the banister as he watched her. Was he waiting for her to notice him? It would be the easiest thing in the world to call out to her, to engage her in trivial conversation about the cat, her day, the weather.
Truth was, he wanted to find a way to spend more time with her. Hopefully something that didn’t include him scaling ancient ladders or risking further snubs from the feline centre of Fran’s attention.
But what was the point? He was a mess. His life was a mess. He was in danger of disappearing down the funnel of self-pity, no doubt. But knowing the slippery slope of your own despondency and avoiding being sucked into it were two quite differentthings. And the last thing Fran needed was to burden herself with his nonsense.
He turned and continued up the staircase.
Fran caught sight of Johnny as she was about to head through the anteroom adjacent to the dining room with Penny, who was in search of Harry.
‘Catch up with you later,’ she said to Penny, sharply changing direction and crossing the foyer, taking the steps two at a time until she came level with Johnny.
‘How’s your hand?’ Fran said. The words came out too fast, all of a jumble, because Johnny looked distracted, surprised by her appearance.
‘Sorry, I was miles away.’ Johnny observed his palm, then swung it around for her to see. ‘It’s fine. No gangrene yet, so it’s looking good.’
‘That’s a relief.’ Fran relaxed, and slowly Johnny’s expression began to lose some of its intensity, a smile spreading across his features.
‘How’s the cat?’ he asked.
‘He’s fine, too. Doesn’t seem at all mentally scarred by a six-foot bloke falling on him.’
‘Six one,’ Johnny said. ‘Just for the record.’
