Beside India, Keera makes a soft noise.
India ignores it. She will say what’s inside her now.
Then maybe it won’t hurt so much …?
‘Nothing else felt as if it mattered when I was holding her. She was, sheis, perfect. Then I had to give her back.’
India almost cries now at the memory: India adores her friend, Lizzie, but she felt something primal when she held Lizzie’s baby.
The sense of loss for this child she may never bear is like being ripped open and left empty. India cannot cope with the ache.
She tries to drag herself away from the London hospital and back to the group on the terrace.
They’re all utterly silent.
‘I understand how women kidnap babies when they’re in such agony over not having their own. Wanting my own baby is such a powerful force. I know I sound obsessional maybe …’
‘No, I’m not seeing obsessional, India,’ says Rose gently. ‘Wanting a child – that’s evolution kicking in. Wanting a child is one of humanity’s most powerful forces. Not everyone feels it but, if they do, it’s usually all-encompassing.’
‘OK,’ says India slowly. She realises that she can’t talk about having a baby right now, can’t share it with the group. She pulls this pain back inside her.
Later with Rose, perhaps, but not now. It’s too fragile, too newborn.
She gets up and pours herself more coffee from the pot, then returns to her seat.
‘Rose,’ she says, ‘would you mind if we didn’t touch on the baby stuff now? Talk about it later?’
Rose nods. She really wants to delve into India’s past and see who abandoned her. But for now, they need a break. This retreat is a learning curve for Rose too.
‘Ten-minute break and then back here?’ she says.
India and Keera take hats and drinks up to the acropolis. There’s a faint sea mist today, a little dreamy haze in the distance making all the boats in the sea look as if they’re sailing into a fairy story.
‘I wish I hadn’t talked about that,’ India says tiredly as she blindly scans the horizon. ‘I just want to lie down and sleep. I feel so worn out.’
‘Slicing into yourself is very hard,’ Keera says with feeling, ‘but it’s worth it, India. I promise.’
‘Can we talk about something else?’ begs India. ‘Clothes. Handbags. How much exercise Alexei does to keep looking like that?’
‘Sure,’ agrees Keera. ‘What’s your favourite type of handbag ever?’
‘OK.’ India closes her eyes. She can play this game.
‘Vintage Fendi baguette or else a Vuitton travelling trunk. Which is not exactly a handbag but they’re so beautiful.’
Adriana and Christos walk down to the village holding hands.
Normally, they’re both too busy in the morning for this but Adriana has told Christos about the new message on Instagram.
He instantly suggested that they take time off.
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘We need a break.’
‘We don’t have time,’ said Adriana.
‘We do,’ he insisted.
They stroll hand in hand, waving to all their friends. Everyone wants to say hello and ask how the inaugural retreat is doing.
