India sees more than people would guess, Rose thinks. From India’s application, Rose guesses the young woman has been dismissed as sweet and dippy her whole life. But there’s much more to her than that. What’s holding her back?
‘What do you think Julia wants, what will make her happy?’ Rose says to Dan. They have to move on.
Again, Dan looks lost.
Rose goes in for the final needle-sharp question.
‘Let’s reframe it, Dan. Let’s look at you in this big picture. You look after Julia and always have. But what does Juliado to makeyouhappy? Does she worry about you the way you worry about her? Does the care flow both ways or not?’
‘That’s not how it works—’ says Dan frantically.
Rose gazes candidly at Dan’s earnest face with its dried tears.
‘How it has worked between you in the past is no longer working. I want you to think about this, Dan – if you feel responsible for everything Julia does and if you do anything to keep the peace in your relationship, then that’s a co-dependent relationship.
‘You feel guilt and shame when Julia’s not happy. You don’t confront her about behaviour you’re uncomfortable with because you’re afraid of rejection. But Julia is not your project, she’s not yours to fix. You can’t change her. What you can change is your own behaviours. You deserve love and care too. But,’ Rose pauses to let it sink in, ‘you’re not getting it, Dan.’
‘She does love me—’ he protests.
‘Maybe that’s not enough any more,’ Rose says relentlessly. ‘Julia does what she is driven to do and you feel the need to continue taking care of her irrespective of the effect this has on you. When someone you love tries to commit suicide, that takes up all the air in the room.’
Dan nods warily.
‘If Julia’s mental health is the prism through which you look at your relationship, then you are a carer and not a partner.
‘My final point is one for you to think about, Dan, and for everyone else too: is it within our power to change other people?’
Rose knows that people will fight to the death to challenge that point.
People genuinely want to believe that theycanchangeothers, that they can make their loved ones see the error of their ways. It’s a hard lesson to learn that they’re wrong.
Dan is watching her, still wary. Keera’s shaking her head sadly, India’s gazing at Rose, while Bernard and Grazia appear to be gathering their things to leave at the mention of the word ‘final’. Grazia already has her cigarettes out. Dianne is now looking at the lavender bushes behind the terrace, looking for all the world as if she is not part of the group.
‘Or do we have to accept that we can’t change other people and that we can only change our behaviour to them? What they do is out of our control.
‘I’m going to leave you with that thought.’
Rose rises from her seat and, with a whirl of her flowing dress, is gone.
Chapter Fifteen
Dan is sitting under a sunshade by the infinity pool, a water and a peach beside him, when India joins him.
She sits on the lounger opposite him with her Diet Coke.
‘Are you doing OK?’ she asks tentatively. ‘I’m not prying – it’s just, that was hard. Going first too. And I’m so sorry about Julia. Talking about it must be difficult.’
‘Thanks,’ he says. He looks white-faced with stress. ‘I’m not used to this sort of thing.’
‘Me neither,’ she says, ‘but it’s going to help us, right?’
Dan’s wearing sunglasses, so she can’t see his eyes. She’s not sure if he’s agreeing with her or if he thinks she’s an interfering idiot, but he finally nods.
‘I guess so,’ he says grudgingly, ‘although it doesn’t feel like it right now. It’s like Rose is saying this is all my fault and that’s why my sister wanted me to come here. Who made you come?’
‘Oh, nobody,’ says India lightly. ‘I came for myself, although I stupidly thought it was going to be more yogaand healing ceremonies than hard questions on the terrace,’ she adds ruefully.
Unexpectedly, Dan laughs and India feels a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
