‘I’m really sorry,’ he repeats. ‘I want to block things out and sex does that for me.’
‘Weallwant to block things out, Oliver. That’s why we’re here,’ Keera says with irritation. ‘But the numbing never lasts long. It’s a temporary fix. Like drugs, alcohol, food, gambling. It never lasts!’
‘Yeah, I know.’ He shuffles off to the kitchen with a pile of plates, still beautiful but forlorn now. ‘You won’t tell on me, will you?’
‘No but if it happens again, I will.’
‘’Kay.’
Keera follows him into the kitchen with a tray loaded up with cups and glasses. She sees how woebegone he is but knows that hugging Oliver would be a rookie mistake so, when she puts her tray down, she fist-bumps him instead.
‘Another learning experience in rehab,’ she says cheerily.
Look at you all functional and helping another addict, she thinks with a sliver-thin slice of pride.That’s got to be something.
‘Join me outside for a cigarette after we clean up?’ he asks.
Keera thinks about it.
Nicotine is the only addictive substance available to the people in the rehab centre but she realises that she only liked to smoke when she was drinking. Without alcohol, she doesn’t actually like nicotine. It was merely a bad girl accessory.
‘Nah. I’ve enough addictions going on right now,’ she says.
The next day in group is Keera’s fourteenth day in Little Rock.
Today’s group leader is Sasha, the scariest of all the counsellors. Sasha makes people cry every time she runs group.
‘Sasha’s an excavator. She digs the pain out of you,’ explains Lexi, Keera’s favourite counsellor.
‘What if I don’t want anything dug out? Can’t she use an anaesthetic?’ Keera sobs to Lexi.
‘Funny,’ says Lexi. ‘Anaesthetic, right!’
Now the group are assembling, all eighteen of them, all trying to sit in nice chairs but also position themselves so they aren’t in Sasha’s direct eye-line. Oliver, Kat and Jordy (eating disorder and cocaine) sit quite close to Sasha so she’ll have to turn her majestic head to see them.
Last into the room is the most recent newcomer, Tyrone. He’s an imposing man. Basketball-player tall, he towers over Keera but he’s a gentle giant at heart. Talks about his four small children and nightly bemoans the fact that they’re not allowed their mobile phones in rehab so he can’t look at their photos.
He’s been in for two days and Keera has no idea what addiction he’s in for.
‘I am a good man,’ he says to everyone who tries to winkle it out of him.
‘Drugs?’ asks Oliver, who likes to sit beside Keera.
‘Don’t think so,’ says Keera.
‘I think sex addict,’ whispers Jordy.
‘No,’ says Oliver. ‘I can tell. He’s too … pure-looking.’
‘Not meth or crack, for sure,’ Jordy says.
They all avoid looking at Sketch who is wraith-thin with a frightening rictus of a smile because of having so many decayed teeth. Sketch has been in the group a week now, after two weeks in the detox unit of the facility. He speaks to no one and Keera feels both sorry for him and scared of him.
‘Welcome,’ says Sasha cheerily. ‘How are you today, Tyrone?’
Keera, Jordy and Oliver sink lower into their chairs.
Tyrone’s on the rack and they don’t want to get involved.
