Dan finds that he’s instinctively breathing deeply to calm himself.
LifewithJulia is very, very hard.
A hike will burn this energy off.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The midday heat has simmered off as Dan and India climb the rocky hills high beyond the sea. India has brought the rucksack Keera lent her and she’s filled it with two bottles of water, her journal, sunblock, a vial of perfume and a little bag of nuts for sustenance. She did toy with the idea of bringing a couple of squares of very dark chocolate from the tiny minibar but realised it would melt.
Dan has a dark, sporty-looking rucksack and she has no idea what’s in it but it seems quite empty.
He’s faster than her at clambering over rocks and dusty scree.
After forty-five minutes of climbing like the ever-present mountain goats, India is panting as if she’s on a run. Yoga-fit is not the same as mountain-climbing fit.
‘Slow down, Dan,’ she says. ‘I can’t go as fast as you.’
‘Sorry.’ He stops instantly.
India reaches him, bends over to catch her breath and says ‘Can we take a breather?’
She’s taking one either way. Pulling off her hat, she wipesher sweaty forehead and thinks, automatically, that it’s a pity Dan is seeing her looking hot and sweaty.
No!she tells herself quickly.You are not here to hook up with Dan. You can’t fall in love with him.
Anxious attachment style. And limerence, remember limerence.
This time yesterday, she didn’t know what the damn word meant and now it haunts her.
She is addicted to limerence! Who knew?
Her addiction is to the joyous feeling of being loved by men she barely knows and it’s Not Real.
It’s like being addicted to handbags or gambling. India’s got two girlfriends who aretotallyaddicted to handbags but they’re both children of wealthy people, so that’s OK. They can afford it.
She pokes inside her bag for some water and then decides that there’s nothing for it but to sit down on a rock for a rest.
Perching on the only vaguely flat rock in sight, she stretches out her legs and drinks deeply from the first of her two water bottles.
Dan has also found a rock to sit on, some way away from her, and she stares through the woods and tries to catch sight of the sea.
Rose’s session with India in the dock had hurt.
No matter what spin Rose tried to put on it, India wasn’t a perfectly normal person who might want a baby and liked dating lovely men.
No. She was obsessed with the feelings of being happily involved with any stupid guy who came along.
Well, paint her pink and mail her to Guam – everything in India’s life comes down to limerence.
India hates it. Hates herself for being addicted to something so stupid.
Does everyone else know? Her family? Dad? Georgie?
An insect skims close to her eyes and lands on her forehead, so she swats it away ineffectively.
‘Bloody flies,’ she mutters. ‘It’s too hot for a walk,’ she says to Dan, fanning herself with her baseball hat, aware that she must look dreadful with her hair all sweaty and gross.
She catches the thought and winces. She’s done it again!
