‘He knew me, knew I’d never hurt Bob by saying anything. If you didn’t know that I was the woman he’d cheated on, then I knew he’d realise that I hadn’t wanted you to know because of all the hurt it would cause. He would have known Lillian would have said nothing about it all. He understood your mother quite well, I think.’
‘I was the one who didn’t understand her. I do now,’ said Lou grimly.
‘It’s the past,’ said Gloria. ‘I have been happy, Lou. Please don’t think otherwise for a moment. My life has been full and rich. There are many paths for us. Mine wasn’t with Angelo but oh my goodness, it’s been a happy one.’
‘You are a truly wise and forgiving woman, Gloria,’ said Lou, her voice quivering. ‘Like Dad.’
Gloria’s tears began to fall now.
‘Bob was such a darling man. I miss him.’
Lou sighed. ‘He was my father, my true father, and it will be lovely to have a relationship with Angelo because he’s part of my DNA. Toni says I should have counselling about it and I’m going to. But ...’ Lou poured the tea and her hand shook with suppressed anger. ‘I do not forgive my mother.’
She thought of Trinity, her fear of telling her family, her worry that she wouldn’t be able to do it alone. It was Lillian’s story fifty years later. There was still so much shame attached to unplanned pregnancies, and women had to carry it all.
‘I don’t blame her for getting pregnant, not at all. But I do blame her for keeping this toxic secret, for cheating on you and my father, for ruining my birthday. For making me run around after her all my life.’ Lou inhaled deeply. ‘Yes, I definitely blame her for that.’
She stood up. She needed to visit Lillian now. She had let her mother manipulate her one too many times, now. It was time for the cycle to end.
The sand outside Valclusa was worse than it had been the evening before, like a bunch of wild animals had been playing games on it: deranged squirrels or pigeons having races. It made getting to the house even more difficult, and Lou’s frustration grew.
‘Mum!’ she yelled as she let herself in.
Lillian appeared, still in her nightclothes, a filmy heliotrope negligee thing, a lilac camisole and beige silky pyjama pants. Her hair was unbrushed but she was wearing her trademark lipstick, which she only wore when there were guests or when she was going out.
She looked displeased at the sight of Lou.
‘You’re here early,’ she said.
‘Is someone here?’ asked Lou as she heard a noise from upstairs.
Lillian appeared to be thinking about lying but then they both heard the upstairs loo flush.
‘Mum—’ Lou started.
‘Why are you calling me Mum now?’ snapped Lillian.
‘Good question,’ snapped Lou. ‘You’re right. Lillian works better.’
She went into the hall and yelled up the stairs. ‘Hello! Do you want coffee?’
‘Yes,’ roared a masculine voice.
‘What are you doing?’ snapped Lillian crossly.
Lou felt years of anger cascade inside her. Her father, Angelo, poor Gloria. She thought of her beloved new dogs and felt afresh the anger at not being allowed to have a dog as a child.
‘How dare you steal Gloria’s man?’ she snapped. ‘How dare you betray my father, how dare you ruin my party by telling me then. How dare you not tell me years ago when I could have made peace with Dad. How bloody dare you for all of it, but worse—’
‘Where’s the coffee?’
Peadar, who seemed very skinny in an old dressing gown with a pipe in his mouth, appeared.
‘Peadar, not now,’ said Lillian.
‘No, now is fine!’ said Lou. ‘An audience is always nicer for this type of thing, don’t you think, Lillian. How do you think my mother’s heart is, Peadar? Is she taking a lot of tablets? Resting a lot?’
Peadar laughed good-humouredly. ‘Resting? You know the old girl – she never rests!’
