‘It was interesting. Lillian kicked off a bit.’
‘She was always wild,’ said Martin. ‘A colourful character, isn’t she?’
Ned nodded. ‘She sort of lost the run of herself with a few drinks, though,’ he said, because Martin, no matter how closeted his life was now, would surely hear about it.
‘Drink does take some people like that,’ agreed Martin.
Ned was stuck now. He couldn’t ask about Simone’s presence at the party because she was his daughter’s best friend and he should have known if she was there.
‘Simone said it was enjoyable,’ Martin went on.
If that had been her description, then Simone ought to apply for the secret service, as she was world class at keeping secrets, Ned decided.
‘She’s talking about going abroad when she’s qualified,’ Martin was saying. ‘It’s going to be difficult without her. I’ve come to rely on her.’
‘That’s tough,’ said Ned.
If Simone left ... Martin would have nobody.
Mim had been a truly amazing woman. A beautiful person and an amazing friend. What would his life be like if Lou was gone, Ned thought suddenly. If she decided she’d had enough.
Ned stared at Martin. He wanted to ask things, but he didn’t know how – this wasn’t the sort of thing he liked to talk about. And yet, the words were determined to squeeze themselves out of his mouth.
‘How do you cope?’ he found himself asking.
Martin did not fall over in shock at the question.
‘It’s difficult sometimes. My friends say I should start dating again. I can’t imagine seeing anyone else. Mim was everything to me – we were supposed to be forever always,’ he said. ‘At the end, Mim made me promise that I would go and find someone else,’ he added, almost brightly.
‘She was full of plans in those last days in the hospital. It was the drugs, I used to say to her. She said myself and Simone should go on holiday. Not sell the house or make any big decisions in the first year, because apparently that’s a bad time to do it. But me finding another woman was on the list.’
‘Really?’ said Ned hopelessly.
‘Yep. She wanted me to be happy. She was amazing. She loved your Lou. Loved her like a sister.’
‘I know,’ agreed Ned.
‘How is Lou?’
‘She’s gone away to Sicily with Toni.’
Ned was about to lie and say it was a pre-arranged girls’ thing, but he could not lie to a man whose wife had died of cancer. It was as if some lasso of truth was wrapped around him.
‘At the party the other night, she had a bit of a shock,’ he said. ‘Lillian got pissed and told Lou that Bob wasn’t her father, that another fella was her father. And I forgot to give her a present.’
Putting it like that, he understood in the coldest, clearest terms why his wife had left the country.
‘For her fiftieth?’ said Martin.
‘Yes,’ Ned said, feeling worse and worse. ‘She left with Toni the next day to find her real father. Proper father.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I don’t know what the word is. But anyway, he lives in Sicily. So they’ve gone there to find him.’
‘Why didn’t you go?’
‘She won’t talk to me. She was angry with me because I was taking her for granted, just like her mother. I’ve really screwed everything up. I might have lost Lou by being a moron.’
Martin looked at him for a few moments, then said quietly, ‘If I was you, I’d try and sort things out. Because you don’t know what you’ve lost until it’s gone. Youthinkyou know, but you don’t really. During those last few months with Mim, I became more and more aware of who she was. Her dying left a crater in our lives that no asteroid could make if it hit the earth. Nothing will ever fill that hole again. So, yeah, talk to Lou. See you around, Ned.’
Ned stood in the street and tried to remember what shop he’d planned to go into. He felt entirely thrown. Martin said you didn’t know what you’d lost until it was gone, and he wasright.
