What happened between you and Gerry Lanigan?demanded an email from Cormac, her producer.He rang to tell one of the lads in the newsroom that he ‘can shaft you properly now’ that he has you insulting him on tape. What the hell, Coop? What does Gerry the Muppet have? He implied that he can ruin your career. We can’t help unless you tell us what’s going on. So–what’s going on?
Toni couldn’t help it – the thought of the confrontation made her shiver. Gerry Lanigan had been terrifying when he’d appeared in the TV station car park, but she’d made a cardinal mistake in answering him back with such rage. If only she’d kept her mouth shut.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked Lou, walking over to her, impatient suddenly to leave.
She was shivering in the grey puffa coat Emily had given her to wear over the jeans she’d pulled on that morning. Her unflattering Mom jeans, which Emily liked to tease her were the ones she’d been wearing since long before Mom jeans became fashionable. At least she’d ripped off her party dress in the morning. Nothing would say ‘complete nervous breakdown’ like a woman wearing a sheeny evening dress by the side of a Sligo pub in a cool March breeze.
Toni had pulled a cashmere hat on over her platinum hair and had wrapped a matching scarf round her neck, but it was still cold: the wind seemed to be coming in from the sea with a severe chill factor. Toni stared at the screen of her phone as if it contained the secrets of the universe. She turned the phone off again. What was the point keeping it a secret from Lou?
‘Someone taped me when I was ranting at them about being a sexist moron, more or less, and if they release the tape, my career is in shreds.’
Saying it out loud made it seem more real than ever and it had been pretty damn real in her head. She’d been scared too, scared of Gerry Lanigan, but there was no point saying that. Toni barely wanted to admit it to herself. For all that she knew men were stronger than women, she’d rarely been aware of it in her own life, which made her lucky, she knew. She’d heard stories of women who’d learned the hard way that a strong man could overpower them. But she’d thought her brain power could protect her.
Her brain power hadn’t protected her from Lanigan – or from what Oliver had done, either.
‘But Toni, can someone do that legally? You’re powerful, you have a TV show, people behind you. Nobody can just end your career.’
Toni snorted. How little Lou knew of her world. People thought that fame and success made one inviolable. How wrong they were.
‘Yes, they can end my career. Legally and realistically are two very different things. This person can do what they like because, while taping me without my knowledge is illegal, if the tape gets out and everyone hears it, then the law won’t matter. He’ll release the tiny bit of the tape he wants.’
And not the bits where he was threatening her.
‘The court of public opinion will try me and find me guilty. My career will be over. Cancelled.’
Lou gasped. ‘What can we do?’
The ‘we’ touched Toni.
‘We could find him and kill him,’ she deadpanned, ‘but I’m not sure that would help. He’d probably get that taped or filmed too and carving my initials into his cold, dead forehead while some third party tapes it for the news at nine will not help my career. No, I have to figure out what to do next.’
She had no idea what that was, either. Normally, her quick-thinking mind loved problems. She would analyse at speed and would have a solution while most people were still making bullet points of what the issue was. But not now. Now, she felt weirdly frozen. She had two separate problems, both huge, and for the first time in her life, Toni had absolutely no idea what to do.
‘But you need to be back in Dublin ...’ began Lou. ‘This whole road trip is crazy, Toni. I don’t want to find Angelo Whatever His Name Is. I was sleep-deprived this morning when I agreed to it. I need to get back to Emily, Ned, Lillian and work—’
‘No,’ said Toni firmly. ‘You do not need to get home to fix everyone!’
Whatever happened, she would make her sister take at least the weekend to figure out that she did far too much for everyone. Otherwise nothing would change and Lou would be a doormat all her life.
‘Get in.’
Lou got in and Toni began to fiddle with the satnav.
She was inputting the details Margo had given them. Directions to the Mulraney home.
Lou felt herself get irritated. She didn’t know if she wanted to go there. She needed to think about it first. And Toni needed to deal with the catastrophe in her life. That was important, not haring off around the country looking for some possible father.
‘Toni, let’s go home,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I’m able for this.’
Ignoring her, Toni began to drive. Under usual circumstances, Lou would have kept silent because Toni was the ‘doer’ sister and she was the one who went along with the plan, but not now.
‘I don’t want to do this,’ she said again, more loudly.
‘Well we are,’ said her sister flatly.
Lou experienced something she rarely felt: utter fury.
‘You are not listening to me!’ she shouted. ‘I said I don’t want to do this!’
