Mim had understood. But Mim wasn’t here.
Lou began to cry at the enormity of her thoughts. She couldn’t do it, not to any of them. Lou loved them all too much, but she hurt so much too ...
‘I knew you’d come here.’
The shock of the interruption made Lou whisk around at lightning speed, and she rapidly wiped away her tears as she faced her sister. Toni stood behind her, a waterproof fisherman’s hat jammed on her head keeping the blade-like blonde hair dry. Her tall, slender figure was enveloped in a bulky padded coat that also appeared to be rainproof because drops of rain were sheeting off it. Even in crisis, Toni looked perfect.
Toni would never recover if Lou walked into the sea. Or Emily ... her darling Emily.
What had she beenthinking?
She could never do that, not to her family.
‘I came here to be alone,’ said Lou and, almost immediately, her instinct was to add,Sorry – that sounded rude.
Even now, in this dark place, she was ready to apologise. But Lou held her tongue. It took enormous effort, but she did not say ‘sorry’.
‘Course you want to be alone,’ Toni said. ‘But I can’t let you. In case—’
‘In case what?’ demanded Lou, and again she had to shut down the instinct to apologise.
‘In case you needed me.’ Toni’s tone was easy. ‘Don’t want you walking out on us all. I might, if I’d had a night like the one you had last night. It was quite a party.’
Lou stifled a noise and she wasn’t sure if it was a sob or a wail.
Whatever she had been expecting from her sister, it wasn’t that.
Toni was more of a ‘cheer up’ and ‘we’ll cope with whatever happens,’ sort of woman. Not that Toni was like their mother in most ways but in this, she was: neither she nor Lillian did comforting.
‘Where would I go?’ Lou asked.
There was no reply. The ocean in front of them roared. The sisters stared at its welcoming depths.
‘I wouldn’t do that,’ said Lou quickly, but even as she said it, she knew this wasn’t true.
She’d felt the pull of the sea, the nothingness of it all, how easy it could be to end the pain ... Or was it the hardest thing ever? She’d never felt that before. Never even understood the lure, but her heart just ached somuch ...
‘I know you wouldn’t do anything silly, Lou,’ said Toni gently, but she put her arm around Lou’s shoulders as if to hold her to the shore. ‘What do you say to a cup of coffee? It’s chilly and we need something warm.’
‘Don’t want to go home,’ said Lou, aware that she was speaking the way a child might. ‘I don’t want to see anyone after last night. The whole town will know by now. I might as well be on the front of the local paper.’
‘I know.’ Toni squeezed her sister’s arm. ‘I know, but—’
‘I’m not going,’ Lou interrupted. ‘I can’t.’
‘Then ... how about we take off, just the two of us?’ Toni said, surprising her utterly.
‘And go where?’
‘Anywhere we want,’ said Toni. ‘Nobody but us. We justescape.’
Lou felt some of the weight on her heart lift. As if a little light still glowed within her. A spark of life still burning.
‘Just leave ... ?’ she asked.
She thought of all the things she had to do and how many tasks she normally needed to complete before taking even the smallest of holidays. She organised cover for work, made nutritious meals for her mother, left endless instructions because, without her, who would run things?
‘Let’s just go,’ said Toni eagerly. ‘Everyone will be fine without us.’
