‘Because I haven’t outed you for being a gambler and losing every penny I had?’ she said.
‘Yes, that too,’ said Oliver.
‘It’s not the sort of person I am,’ Toni said.
‘It sounds like you’ve forgiven him,’ said Lou, now.
Toni considered it. ‘It’s not that I forgive him, as such,’ she said. ‘Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up and I beat myself up over the fact that I didn’t know what was going on. I go into that “if only” stage when I think of how life would be different if only I’d noticed he was gambling and if only I’d talked to the investment guy, or if only ...’
She sighed in a way that said she had gone over this many, many times before.
‘He deceived you very well,’ Lou pointed out. ‘You’re supposed to be able to trust your partner.’
‘Yes,’ Toni agreed. ‘And there’s no point holding on to the resentment or the anger. It was eating me up. I worked so hard for that money, for that security. That everything can be taken away so quickly was shocking, but,’ she shrugged, ‘that’s life. It can be taken away quickly. Anything can be taken away quickly from us. Your job, your home – I’m not the first person to lose them. And look at Mim, losing her health, her life. If I’m going to move on, I’ve got to make peace with it.’
‘Zen Buddhism?’ asked Lou, unable to stop herself making the joke.
‘No,’ said Toni. ‘Practical, down-to-earth womanhood. It’s the betrayal that kills me most. That he could do that to me – that I didn’t spot it – it will take me time to get over feeling the shame ofthat.If I do start making documentaries, I’d want to do one on betrayal first.’
‘No research will be needed,’ joked Lou.
Betrayal had been huge in Lou’s life too. It was something she talked to her therapist about. She was seeing her for a range of things, including discovering that her father hadn’t really been her biological father. Even better, she was talking about her depression for the first time ever. Not just to her therapist, but to Ned, too. Ned had read a book on depression that her therapist had recommended, and he emerged after reading it with a hugely sad expression on his face.
‘I am so sorry, Lou,’ he’d said, and she’d been astonished to see that he was close to tears. ‘I was ignorant, I didn’t know what you went through. Emily did, but I never bothered. You must have felt so lonely.’
‘Depression is inherently lonely,’ she said, with the confidence she’d found these past months, ‘but you understand now. That’s huge.’
She’d left Blossom.
Two days after her return from Sicily, she’d gone into the shop in the city and found Oszkar shouting at a young woman.
‘Mindy, this is not how we do it!’ Oszkar was shrieking.
‘I don’t care!’ Mindy was shrieking back. ‘I’m leaving. I’m going back to my uncle’s business. You’re all mad here. You expect me to know what’s in your head without telling me!’
‘Lou!’ said Oszkar in relief, spotting her. ‘You’re back!’
‘No,’ said Lou calmly. ‘I’m here to clear out my desk.’
‘You’re Lou!’ said Mindy in surprise. ‘How did you stand it? By the way, we lost that big wedding because I said I’d been hired over you and the woman, the one on Insta, said she couldn’t believe you weren’t in charge and—’
She paused for breath. ‘I’m sorry I took your job.’
‘You didn’t take it,’ Lou said kindly. ‘They gave it to you because I let them. I let them walk all over me.’
‘I am sorry, it won’t happen again,’ promised Oszkar.
‘It won’t,’ agreed Lou. ‘Because I’m not coming back. Bye, Oszkar.’
Through Toni, she’d found a job with a charity in Cork which was helping women who wanted to get back into the workforce after taking time out to care for their children. She loved it. There were women from all walks of life trying to get back into any area of work, and helping people achieve their dreams gave her such a thrill.
‘It’s fulfilling and I can help them not get ground down the way I was,’ she told Toni eagerly.
‘I’m so glad,’ Toni said. She had never seen her sister so happy – she had never felt so happy herself. She had more time off, time to spend in Whitehaven, walking the beach, time in her own cottage garden.
She’d surprised herself by going out on a few dates with Cormac Wolfe.
‘He is devastatingly hot,’ Lou said when Toni showed her a photo of him.
