‘Don’t worry,’ said Joyce, mistaking her look for concern. ‘Sweetie is the most good-natured dog. I know people who don’t have dogs get nervous but she really is great with kids, and she loves bouncing. She goes to the side when they’re bouncing manically and then when they’re tired and they sit down, she goes into the middle and jumps up and down. Very clever dog.’
Savannah laughed and then hiccupped and it turned into a cry.
Joyce went over and hugged her. At first Savannah couldn’t bear the touch and then she let herself be enfolded and leaned against Joyce’s shoulder.
‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’
‘You’re shaking and you’re going to sit down, have a cup of tea and something to eat, because, Savannah, you do not eat. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a morsel pass your lips. That’s no criticism, no judgement, you’ll find no judgement here,’ said Joyce. ‘But you need to sit down. Clary said something about her dad leaving.’
Savannah looked up, eyes huge. ‘Yes.’
‘It’s OK, she’s really happy about it,’ said Joyce ‘and that’s good. Because he obviously needed to go.’
Her eyes were gentle as she looked at Savannah. And then Savannah couldn’t keep it all in anymore.
‘He was awful, awful. We were frightened of him, Joyce,’ she said. ‘He frightened me for years and he bullied me. Bullying and shouting and he had all these rules.’
‘I know people like that,’ said Joyce, softly. ‘It’s never easy to get out of that.’
‘No,’ said Savannah sadly, ‘it’s not. And my sister helped me because she overheard him at the wedding and—’ she shivered – ‘she made him go.’
‘He went?’
‘Yes, he went. Eden had the locks changed, the gate code changed, and he can’t get back in. But I’m still scared.’
Joyce sat her down at the table, made some tea and put lots of sugar in it.
‘Drink that, I’ve made some scones.’
Savannah could feel her stomach contract. ‘No, I – I—’
‘I know you don’t eat and I know eating is very hard when you’re stressed, but I think you should, just a little bit, maybe even a quarter of a scone.’
‘OK,’ said Savannah.
‘Because you’ve got to show Clary that human beings eat, that women eat, that it’s OK.’
Their eyes met.
‘I was bulimic for years,’ said Joyce. ‘Then when I had the kids, I realised that I had to stop, because they’d know, they’d find out and they’d think that was normal. I didn’t want them to think that was normal. It was normal for me, but it wasn’t healthy. That’s the right word,’ she corrected herself. ‘Healthy rather thannormal. I mean, what’s normal?’
‘I don’t think I’ve ever been normal,’ said Savannah.
‘It’s overrated,’ said Joyce.
Savannah drank the sweet tea and found something very comforting about it. She ate half a scone and instead of sitting in her stomach like a lump that she would want to expel or exercise out of her system, she allowed it to sit there, nourishing her.
‘The thing is, Joyce,’ she said, ‘I don’t feel safe in the house.’
‘You think he’ll come back even with the locks changed? You can always get some sort of court order to keep him away.’
‘No, it’s not that, it’s the house, I don’t like it. It’s beautiful but it’s all him.’ She couldn’t say his name. ‘You do believe me, don’t you?’ she added suddenly. She never thought anyone would believe her because Calum was so good, so practised. Everyone loved him. Joyce looked at her with cool eyes.
‘I believe you. I saw the two of you out together and it was obvious to me that you were a trophy. He didn’t need to be kind to you because he had already won you. He needed to be kind to all the other trophies he hadn’t won, all the other people he needed to engage with. Did you know Daniel hated him and children are amazing litmus tests of human beings? Same as dogs,’ she said.
‘I’d love a dog,’ said Savannah. ‘I’ve always wanted a dog but—’
‘But he wouldn’t let you have one.’
