Despite the noise, we all hear the loud ping of Shazz’s phone.
Animal Lover 49 is on the screen.
We lean in as one to examine my first ‘I’m interested’ single man.
‘Photoshopped,’ says Christie, staring critically at a very professional photo of a man with greying hair and a big smile.
Shazz shakes her head. ‘ “Animal Lover”. Does this mean he keeps ferrets and bets too much on the dogs?’
Laughing, we decide that he is not for me.
Soon we are deep into starters, finishing a bottle of wine, laughing and joking, discussing our beautiful children and wondering why there’s always one Queen Bee who likes to run everything.
‘I blame WhatsApp,’ says Shazz. ‘For some people WhatsApp is like a board room and they can bully everyone on it. No matter what you say back it sounds wrong. So you have to say, “wonderful idea”,even if you think it’s stupid.’
‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘I hate that thing. When’s their Christmas party?’
‘Oh, they’re having it in January, because they are all too busy with social events.’
I start to laugh. ‘We’re busy with our wildly exciting social lives too,’ I joke.
By the second bottle of wine, I am absolutely convinced that I am not going to any night club under any circumstances. I’m exhausted. My feet hurt and I just want to be at home in my own bed going to sleep.
We have looked at Hot Maaan – ‘can’t spell,’ we all agree; Older But Ready – ‘ready for what?’ and Hunk of the Year 1968, who gets points for humour but not much else.
‘He mentions wine twice,’ says Christie. ‘Definitely a heavy drinker. Definitely a no.’
‘I’m tired, girls,’ I say, yawning.
‘You can’t bail now,’ says Shazz, who has had more than her share of the wine. ‘This is supposed to be our fun girls’ night out.’
‘I know, honey,’ I say sadly, ‘I just don’t have the energy, I’m sorry. I’m older, OK, let’s have that as the excuse; I’m older, I need to be sitting in front of the box watching reruns of silly films and reading magazines about how to knit sweaters with complicated cable patterns.’
‘What’s a cable pattern?’ asks Shazz.
Christie laughs. ‘My mum used to knit too,’ she says. And then she pauses, because mentioning her mum always makes her sad.
‘Stupid cow,’ says Shazz, sounding really drunk now. ‘Least you’ve got your dad.’
We both agree that Christie’s mother must have something wrong with her if she’s disowned Christie, Daisy and Lily just because Christie’s gay.
‘Karma’s a bitch and it will come and bite her on the ass, because she doesn’t realise how precious your girls are,’ Shazz goes on. ‘None of us had it easy but we are doing this amazing job, we are bringing up four beautiful kids and that means so much. I think maybe that’s why the normals or the abnormals get anxious around us, because we can do it. It’s not that they think we are going to steal their husbands. It’s because we do it all, we’re Mum and Dad and every bloody thing. And your mum just hasn’t a clue, if she doesn’t understand why you love who you love. We have our kids – that’s all that matters.’
‘Yeah,’ says Christie. And suddenly we are taking out our phones and looking at pictures of our children.
All the liquids are making themselves felt, so I head off to the loo and am halfway down the stairs when I hear Shazz squealing with delight. Is this okay. She can’t see Shazz only hear her.
Another stud for me, I think, grinning, wondering if any normal man is ever going to appear on the site.
There’s no queue for the loo, so I’m speedy and on my way back to our fabulous table when I feel a gentle tap on my arm.
I turn to face a tallish, smiling man with fair hair and an engaging smile who is wearing a beautifully cut suit. Handsome, definitely.
Christie’s friend, I think. Not long back from Hong Kong, he’s nowpart-owner of the bistro and is working the room.
‘You must be Bea,’ he says and I realise he’s English, with an exquisite accent that makes me smile far more than the cheesycome-on lines of Hot Man or Older But Ready.
‘I’m Sean.’
