‘I never did a gap year and I figured out the real world,’ I’d said.
This gap year makes me feel sick. Two innocents abroad – it feels like a recipe for disaster.
‘It was different when we were teenagers, though,’ Dave had said manfully.
‘Totally,’ Nate had replied. ‘It was either get a proper pensionable job or else get apart-time job so you could pay to go to college.’
‘Yeah,’ Dave had continued, ‘no messing in those days.’
‘But we don’t want to raise our kids like that,’ I’d said, ‘we want to give them something different.’
‘Every generation says that, Marin,’ Nate had pointed out. ‘You’re too soft, that’s what you are. They’ll cope.’
I remember being really annoyed with him for implying that being soft was somehow a failing, because I’d always tried to be a very different mother to my own mother and nobody could ever call my mother soft. Certainly not my poor father.
I order dinner then go into the sitting room and sit down with a small glass of white wine. I have the room to myself, the TV to myself, and nothing needs to be done in the kitchen. There’d be nowashing-up, no cooking, no sweating over the stove: absolute joy. All I have to do is wash up the containers, put the ones that can be recycled into the right bin, easy.
Nate’s in a fabulous mood when he gets in.
‘Dinner,’ he cries, even before he’s shut the door behind him. The scent of various meals drifts in with him. I think of Rachel wanting to learn about the culture of the places she’ll be visiting, and how much I wish I could go with her. I’d never travelled the way Rachel was going to. I’d gone to college and met Nate and we had married young. I hadn’t needed to leave for work like so many other people. And I’d never considered a gap year. But wouldn’t it be lovely to take off around the world and see such different places?
Nate and I share the bottle of wine over dinner, me finally letting my shoulders relax, safe in the knowledge no majorclear-up job awaits me. Then we find something the whole family can watch, which is almost impossible and, even if it is something a bitaction-heroeish for Joey, nobody minds.
‘I watch all your soppy girl things,’ says Joey, half waiting for Rachel to say, ‘Ah do we have to watch this?’
‘I know, little bro’,’ she says, ‘you’re a really good brother. I’m going to miss you when I’m away.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. You should send me emails, it will help you with your writing. And it will tell you if you spell things wrongly.’
‘My spelling is brilliant.’ Joey grins.
‘Absolutely brilliant, kiddo,’ says Nate, ruffling Joey’s hair.
‘I’ll send you all long emails,’ Rachel goes on. ‘Maybe we can get to China too.’
‘I didn’t think that was on your itinerary,’ I say, but she just rolls her eyes at me.
When both Rachel and Joey have gone to bed, Nate takes me to task about my worries.
‘Marin, you need to relax about Rachel’s trip,’ says Nate to me quietly, firing up my irritation sensors. ‘They’ll figure it out.’
‘I know, but I worry about them figuring it out,’ I snap, trying to keep my voice down.
‘It will help them grow up a bit,’ he says idly and I feel the involuntary shudder that goes through me every time I think about Rachel and Megan on their own going off around the world.
All the things that could go wrong: but Nate seems so calm about it. They’ll be fine, end of story.
‘But think about the dangers out there, two girls on their own?’ I say, annoyed. It’s like he doesn’t see the gravity of this, like he wants to dismiss it.
I get up and march into the kitchen. He follows me.
‘Relax, Marin,’ Nate repeats, more angrily this time. ‘You’ve got to let go. You worry over nothing. It drives me mad.’
He reaches for the bottle of wine we opened earlier and pours himself another glass. Not for me, just for him.
Of all the annoying things Nate does, this ‘relax, you worry too much’ thing is the one that makes my blood boil. And now he’s having more wine and hasn’t asked if I want some! I want to hit him, hard, and tell him I will worry if I bloody want to, and that if he thinks two teenage girls going off on a gap year isrisk-free, then he needs his head examined.
