‘It’s more complex than that,’ I say, and explain. ‘She wouldn’t talk to me afterwards. I put some lunch in her schoolbag this morning but I don’t know if she’ll eat it. What if she gets an eating disorder and it’s all my fault because I said something stupid and—’
‘Calm down, honey,’ says my husband. He hasn’t berated me or told me I’m a moron or shouted at me. He’s been loving and kind and I don’t deserve any of it.
Maura and Pip have taken a long weekend away when all hell breaks loose.
First, Granddad Eddie takes a fall against the jamb of his bedroom door on Saturday morning and Mum thinks he might have seriously damaged his wrist.
When my mother phones to ask if I can come over to take care of Dad and Granny Bridget, I can hear Eddie roaring in the background that he is not, repeatnot, going near a hospital.
‘They get you in there and you come out in a box!’ he’s roaring. ‘Crowd of quacks. No way. I’m not doing it.’
‘You think he’ll keep saying that when he’s in the hospital?’ I ask, mentally working out what I need to reorganise.
‘Definitely,’ says Mum. ‘We’ll be the most popular people in the whole place, I should imagine. I might draw up a sign that says: “We are related but I do not agree with anything he is saying. I love doctors, nurses and everyone here.”’
‘I’d add a bit to the sign,’ I say, laughing. ‘Write: “The sooner he gets out of here, the sooner the noise level will drop.” And say sorry a lot.’
‘I spend my life saying sorry for Eddie,’ Mum sighs. ‘To the police when he makesV-signs at them, to the carers, to my mother’s poor innocent cat because he shakes his stick at her all the time. I love him and he’s so good to your father but he’s tricky.’
Dan is put in charge of taking the kids bowling and on theoff-chance, because who knows how long Mum will be with Eddie in casualty, I fire off a text to Scarlett asking if she and Jack are around to add fun to the weekend.
Dan’s perfectly capable of looking after our three children but the gap in ages means that what Lexi wants to do – meander by the clothes shops en route to the bowling alley – will not be what Teddy or Liam want to do – buy ice cream/have a go on the shopping centre’s mini carousel.
Plus, Lexi is not her usual sunny self because since themake-up debacle there has been no contact with Elisa and she is blaming me. I have not contacted Elisa but Lexi doesn’t believe me.
‘She thinks you told Elisa to back off,’ Dan reports back to me.
‘But I didn’t,’ I say. ‘Did you?’
‘No. There was no need. Elisa just says whatever she thinks people want to hear. She never acts on it. I knew nobody would contact us from Surella.’
‘And you told her this?’ I ask.
‘I told her that neither of us stopped Elisa from contacting her but she doesn’t believe me, either,’ he says sadly.
I can think of nothing else, so today’s emergency has come at a bad time, hence me phoning my sister.
Normally, Scarlett replies instantly but today, she doesn’t, so I tell Dan he’s on his own.
‘I am not an idiot who needs assistance with my own kids,’ he says, definitely affronted.
You could tell him that normally, you do morechild-minding than he does, even though he’s good, but just sayin’...
Mildred, shut up, I tell her.
‘Course you’re not, honey,’ I say, hugging Dan, ‘but it’s easier to handle three in the bowling alley/shopping centre with multiple pairs of hands.’
Copped out?
He’s a brilliant husband, and stop causing trouble, Mildred. I swear, I am taking up Buddhism if only to get you off my back.
I concentrate on myhere-and-now husband. ‘And Lexi is still not herself,’ I say to Dan. ‘A bit of retail therapy with Scarlett might cheer her up, and you hate shops.’
‘Fair enough,’ he admits grudgingly.
Eddie is clearly in a lot of pain when I get to Mum’s in fifteen minutes’ flat, and the pain is not making him any happier.
‘Painkillers,’ he pleads. ‘You’ve got a box of strong pain yokes somewhere, I know you have,’ he says to Mum.
