‘What!’ The explosion that comes out of me now must surely wake Teddy and possibly the whole street, but I really don’t care. ‘You did what? Give me your phone.’
‘No.’
I try to breathe.
‘Give me your phone.’
‘No.’
‘Lexi, I want that phone right now so I can WhatsApp that stupid Elisa and tell her that under no circumstances are any pictures of you to go upanywhereas part of her marketing campaign for that shitmake-up.’
‘She’s not stupid and you can’t do that.’
‘I can, because I’m your mother.’
‘But she’s my mother too,’ she hisses back at me.
There’s absolute silence apart from somehalf-waking wriggling from Teddy in her bedroom.
It’s like being knocked to the ground in a car park all over again.
I don’t know what to say and I’m afraid of hurting Lexi.
I can’t believe what I’ve already said, so I go for a different approach.
‘Honey, you’re too young for all of this—’ I begin.
‘Elisa says I could be a model,’ she hisses.
That old canard, I think.
You could be a model. You too could be athirty-nine-year-old woman without a proper job to her name ever.
Stop! Somehow, I come back to earth. What have I said?
‘I’m sorry,’ I begin, the mother part of me rising up out of the shock. ‘I should never have used the word cheap. It’s horrible. I apologise. You’re so beautiful, darling. You don’t need all thatmake-up and you need to grow up a little bit more before you use it so heavily. I just got upset—’
‘You think I’m a baby,’ she yells at me. ‘I’m not. Elisa doesn’t treat me like a baby.’
‘She doesn’t know you,’ I say, unwisely.
‘She does!’
I think of all the things I should say and of all the articles I’ve read about teenagers, about independence and moving apart. This doesn’t have to be so brutal. Why have I messed this up so much?
‘Can we talk?’
‘No.’ She turns from me. ‘I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.’
‘Darling—’
‘Goodnight. I’m tired.’
A hand snakes out and she switches off her light.
We’ve never ended a day like this, not ever.
But I can’t grab Lexi and make her hug me, make it the same way it always was.
