‘Her brothers were the smart ones,’ Dan always continues.
It’swell-remembered speech catalogued in his brain: he tries to make excuses for Elisa because he has somehow forgiven her and he feels that Lexi must have an unbiased version of her birth mother.
Intellectually, I agree with him.
Emotionally, it’s a different story.
I had already fallen in love with Dan, but when Lexi came to live with usfull-time, that was the fiercest love affair ever.
She had not emerged from my body but she was mine. I became her mother; and everybody knows, mothers are feral when it comes to their children.
Have you ever watched those nature programmes where females with their young will kill animals much larger in their defence ...? Yup, that’s me.
‘Nobody knew what to do with Elisa,’ goes the rest of Dan’s spiel. ‘She was always a bit immature ...’
Immature? That’s the best he can do?
And standing up for the woman who left our darling Lexi, innocent and defenceless, in a restaurant ...?
Imminent high blood pressure moment, Mildred mutters, pretending to be a health robot from the future.
She’s right.
I can’t think about Elisa or I will start having arguments with her in my head – ‘You left Lexi in a restaurant! What is wrong with you? Immature and indulged do not cover this level of stupidity!’
‘And you, you, Dan Conroy, do not give me any old crapology about how she wasn’t clever and her brothers got all the attention. Selfish and spoilt are the words you are looking for!’
Almost twelve years after Elisa abandoned Lexi, the very thought of the woman can still ignite fierce rage in me.
Instead I give thanks that Lexi is mine and Elisa is out of all our lives, what with her busy ‘modelling’ career and her exotic lifestyle financed by her current husband and possibly, her father, who appears to be remarkably wealthy.
Which suits me just fine.
My beloved Lexi is our child. After Dan and I got married I adopted her as soon as I legally could.
I love Dan more for his trying to make it all right for Lexi, but it’s the one area we’ve always disagreed on.
Still, Elisa has been out of our lives for years, so I guess we’re safe.
2
Think about what you want in life and you will draw it to you, magically
My phone pings with my daily ‘affirmation’ – an app I downloaded one miserable evening and keep forgetting to delete. Every morning, I receive a daily quote designed to help me find my inner energy and release all negativity.Puh-leasesays Mildred every time a quote pings in.Wearing perfume in summer will draw mosquitoes to you: is that what they mean?Mildred has not yet got with the whole laws of attraction schtick. Mind you, I’m not sure I have, either. My mind never stops running despite entreaties to the Universe to slow it down and as yet, I have failed to materialize inner peace or solutions to any of my other problems. But I’m keeping going with the programme. I mean, the app cost 4.99. I can’t waste it, can I?
‘Peppa Pig,’ says Teddy.
There is a definite element of one of the fiercer warrior queens in her voice. In my abstraction, I have been ignoring her and this is not allowed in Teddy’s world.
She will wake the whole house. Dan was up late with me shoving boxes around and trying to unpack the children’s things. He’s earned alie-in.
This arrangement also means that tomorrow, I can be the one to sleep in: parental bargaining 101.
‘Here.’ I hand her my phone – yes, I do some bad mothering myself but in my defence, I have never left any of my kids behind when I am out.
Still, it is a rare treat for Teddy to get her hands on any electronics. I do not want her to be able to make and upload her own vlogs before she can write all her numbers and do ‘A is for apple’, etc.
I make a cosy nest for her in one corner of mine and Dan’s bedroom, findPeppa Pigon my phone’s Netflix and, with the sound at a reasonable level – it is six a.m. on a Saturday after all – I tell her I am going to find clean clothes.
