‘Yes, do,’ I say. ‘You’ve made this special.’
Lexi isn’t panicked about Elisa anymore – this is her party. Elisa’s just one of the guests.
‘But don’t bitch at her.’
‘Moi?’ Lorraine does herpicture-of-innocence face.
‘Yeah, you.’
At half six on the nail, the Markhams arrive en masse.
First in the door are Adele and William with Coco, the spaniel, who immediately gets taken upstairs by Liam and Teddy with a tin of biscuits.
‘She may never come down,’ I say.
‘Don’t care,’ beams William, waiting for his turn to say hello to Lexi and Caitlin.
‘This is my new granddad, William, ‘ Lexi is saying. ‘This is my best friend, Caitlin, and she’s a ballerina like me.’
‘I can tell,’ says William gravely. ‘You both stand in first position. My sister danced.’
‘So did I, but I was very bad,’ says Adele, her eyes brimming as she hugs Lexi. ‘Darling, we are so honoured to be here.’
‘Don’t cry, Grandma,’ says Lexi, who has clearly decided that since she has plenty of Grannys, she now needs a Grandma. ‘Come and see what we did. We’ve been working all day.’
And the two girls drag Adele off and I stare at her departing form and realise that yes, she is wearing jeans. They are Armani, but still.
‘Betty,’ says William, stooping to kiss his daughter’sone-timemother-in-law. ‘You look charming.’
Betty pats her hair which has had the whole works done, with instructions from Scarlett. ‘Oh, you know, got to make a bit of an effort, William.’
I wink at her and she winks back.
Before long, the place is full of people: Tony and Marcus, who are Elisa’s brothers, and who look so normal andnon-nightclubby-fake that I am astonished they are related to her. They are just as lovely as their father.
Twins Michael and Cooper, eleven, a broken window waiting to happen, somehow find a ball, join forces with Teddy, Liam, the dog and the biscuits, and eventually are dragged downstairs to bash balls into the net in the garden, with Coco doing her best to burst said ball.
Jo, their mother, is fanning herself with an actual fan and hugs me, saying: ‘ I love your show, Freya. It’s so cool – this house, so cool ...’
‘But you’re hot?’ I venture.
‘Bloody menopause,’ she says. ‘It’s killing me.’
‘You’ll have to meet Maura, my sister,’ I say, bringing her to an open window and handing her some iced water. ‘She says rage is the number one symptom.’
‘OmiGod, yes!’ Jo screeches. ‘Yes!!’
Jo is a screecher and loves jokes.
Lois, who is younger, married to Marcus, and is so pregnant I think we ought to have the ambulance on speed dial, appearsmid-joke and asks where the loo is. She also loves my show but says she can’t make bread.
‘Comes out like cement,’ she says sorrowfully.
‘Wrong flour?’ I suggest.
The onlyout-of-place person is her son, Joshua, who is very shy, so I show him into the room with the Super Mario yoke and tell him to have a go at it.
‘Really?’ he says, blinking long eyelashes, as if he can’t believe his luck.
