‘She is a little bluebird of joy,’ I say sarcastically.
Somehow, and it might be because I’m feeling stronger than I’ve felt for a long time, I decide to ring Nina and tell her it isn’t that simple but it’s all coming together. Finally.
Lorraine groans.
‘You don’t trust Nina, do you?’ I say. ‘I do, I think she’s brilliant.’
‘You trust everyone,’ says Lorraine. ‘You trusted bloody Geraldine when she was robbing you blind by drinking the profits.’
‘True,’ I say. ‘Sometimes there are people who aren’t your friends: they just work with you and they don’t mind ripping you off.’
‘Nina doesn’t mind ripping you off and she would if she got half a chance.’
‘Nina has been with me longer than you’ve been with me,’ I say hotly.
‘Fine, but keep her on speaker. I’ve better instincts than you.’
‘When did I start to rely on you for all my business judgements?’ I grumble, even though I know she’s right.
‘When you realised I was nearly always right,’ says Lorraine as if she can read my mind.
Wow, you havesogot to be more like her, says Mildred.You’re just a wimp, a total wimp and besides she works for you, she shouldn’t be able to talk to you like that.
Mildred can be funny that way, one moment she’s praising somebody, the next moment she’s giving out to me because I’m not tough on them.
With enough coffee down me and a little dish ofchocolate-covered raisins in front of me to give me energy, I phone Nina. I’ve written down several possible reasons why the book is late. I can’t tell her that I’ve been broken for a while but am up and running again, with my new, quirky recipes. Honest new recipes, I think.
‘Hello,’ Nina says in that slightly faux posh voice she uses all the time. It doesn’t sound right to me and Lorraine insists Nina’s just normal, but is desperately trying to hide it.
‘Never trust people who hide where they’re from by using a fake accent’ is one of Lorraine’s mottos.
‘I was just going to ring you,’ I lie. I am getting good at this lying.
‘That’s good,’ says Nina, ‘because I was just going to ring you too. In fact, we need a meeting because I know one of the producers of your TV show. We bumped into each other and he’s saying he hasn’t heard a peep out of you in months. Which is disastrous for your career – and mine. You’re one of my top clients, obviously, and I have to look out for you—’
I interrupt this diatribe and immediately make a mistake: I go off message. I’m looking at the bits of paper on my desk that explain how I’m trying something new and it must be right and suddenly I feel emotional, misunderstood. If only Nina knew anything about me she’d understand what’s been going on in my life and that the stress of the past four months has been intolerable.
‘I was mugged and I’m only just limping my way out of the anxiety and of course I had to hide it because nobody wants to hear my problems, as you always say and ...’ Suddenly I realise that all this mental chatter isn’t mental chatter at all, and that I’m actuallysayingit. Out loud.
‘Mugged?’ gasps Nina. ‘Like mugged where? What happened? Held at knife point?’
There’s a definite change in her accent, I notice, despite the mounting fear that I have just done the stupidest thing on the planet and actually told her.
Lorraine is makingare you nuts?faces at me but I keep going. I have to now.
‘It was in a parking garage, I’d done this cooking demonstration in town and I had just paid for my ticket when this guy mugged me.’
‘Mugged? Not just bumped into? Properly mugged? The police came?’
‘Thrown to the ground. Broke my collarbone, had bruises on my temple,’ I say. ‘He had a knife.’
‘A dangerous criminal had a knife to your throat and you never thought to tell me,’ roars Nina and the posh voice is totally gone now. This is the real Nina, I realise.
Lorraine is looking at me with a combination of pity andI told you sowritten across her face.
‘This is ...’
I wait for her to say ‘terrible. No wonder you haven’t been able to work. I can’t imagine the stress you’re under.’
