In the distance, she saw someone coming towards her, a man. And on some deep level, he seemed familiar to her. She couldn’t figure out why and then she kept her head down in case it was someone from the past, and goodness, she didn’t want to see anyone from their past life now, she wanted to get away from that. Quickly she moved on towards the wood, but the man called out, ‘Callie,’ and then she stopped dead. She waited until he was closer.
‘Ricky,’ she said, looking up at him in utter astonishment. He was no longer the lean boy he had been, but a man now, filled out with a man’s face and those amazing eyes that she could remember being haunted by many years ago, during the drug years. Yet he looked at peace with himself now.
She stared at him.
‘Why do I feel as if I was set up?’ she said. This was too much of a coincidence to be a random meeting.
‘Busted! Freddie and I set it up,’ said Ricky.
‘Freddie,’ said Callie. ‘Why?’
‘He wanted to talk to you but he didn’t know how to do it himself, so I’m here. I’ve known you nearly as long as he has, well apart from all those missing middle years.’
‘What does he want to talk to me about?’ asked Callie, feeling panicky because she was terrified of what he was going to say. He couldn’t know ... Freddie couldn’t know. ‘I don’t need your help, Ricky, thank you but I’ll get out of this on my own, and I know you’re rich and everything and it’s lovely of you to be here, but—’
He held a hand up.
‘It’s not that,’ he said. ‘I would love to help you financially and I am here anytime to help you get back on your feet. But you might need my help in another way. Freddie says you do. Come on, sit down.’
They found a few rocks to perch on, Ricky stretching his legs out and turning until he was half facing her.
‘I met up with Freddie lots of times when he was on heroin. I was clean and sober then, so I tried to help for old time’s sake, but he didn’t want to be helped. He needed to be ready himself,’ said Ricky. ‘But I suppose you understand that? If you give up for real, there’s no place to hide anymore. There’s no going back.’
Callie flushed.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Freddie knows you’re taking something and he wanted me to talk to you. He couldn’t trust himself to do it, because he’s too close. Is it benzos?’
‘What?’ Callie cried in shock.
‘Cal, they’ve all noticed. Your mother, your Aunt Phil, and obviously Freddie. Cal, after what they’ve been through with Freddie, they know what an addict looks like, whether it’s heroin or benzos. One minute, you were tense, and the next, you were Mrs Happy. Only one thing does that. Freddie did say you were drinking a fair bit, but it’s not that. And I understand you’ve been through a lot, but—’
‘Xanax,’ Callie blurted out, feeling shamed. But she had to say it: this was her chance to come clean and get rid of her dirty little secret.
‘Yeah,’ Ricky said, ‘Freddie figured as much, said you were buying them from Glory in the Russet Lounge.’
Callie looked down at the pebbles on the beach.
‘Is that really the way you want to go, Callie? It’s just you now, you and Poppy. The whole family and me, if you want me, we’re are all there for you, you’re Poppy’s mother and you can’t let her down as well as Jason. Consider this an intervention.’
Callie could say nothing, she just sat there feeling the shame and embarrassment rise up through her. As if he noticed nothing, Ricky looked out and pointed off into the distance.
‘I’ve a house over there, myself and Valerie, my wife, live there. We’ve a little girl, beautiful little thing, Fleur. She’s ten. Smart as paint. She doesn’t know about me and the drugs, although one day I’ll tell her, because it’s in the genes. Might be in your genes, too, and maybe Poppy’s. But you need to deal with it, Callie. Now.’
Finally Callie managed to speak.
‘How do you deal with it?’ she said. ‘I don’t have the money to go in somewhere and get rehabbed. I don’t know what to do.’
‘You could go to Narcotics Anonymous like your brother and I do, and try and stay off whatever it is you’re addicted to one day at a time. That’s how it works. It’s that simple, that complicated. You may not need NA but you need to be aware that you can’t touch drugs like that, not ever again. First you’ve got to admit you’ve got a problem.’
‘I know I’ve got a problem,’ she said quietly, ‘I’ve known for a long time, but I just haven’t been able to stop.’
‘None of us can stop on our own,’ Ricky said ruefully. ‘We need the support of other addicts. Freddie and I can help you with that, if you want?’
‘But I never took anything before, I was never a drinker before, I don’t understand how it happened,’ cried Callie.
Ricky touched her for the first time and he held her hand in the same sort of brotherly way Freddie would hold it.
