“I don’t need anyone’s protection. And you have nothing to say about what I do or what I choose to risk.”
“I think I’ve got more to say about it than anyone else.”
“Why? Because you fucked me?”
His head reared back, eyes blazing. “That’s one reason, yes.”
“What other reason could you possibly have? Don’t tell me it’s because we met in the Dreamscape. I’m well aware of what you think about that. In fact, I’m starting to agree with you, Micah. It is bullshit. And I’m not your problem.”
He let out a harsh, humorless laugh. “You’ve been my problem from the instant I saw you, Phaedra. Meeting you in the Dreamscape had nothing to do with that.”
She steeled herself to the look of resignation in his smoldering eyes. She had already let herself believe she meant something to him. She wasn’t going to play the fool for him again.
“I will be going back to the Deadlands to help locate the crystals,” she stated evenly. “And then I’ll be going back to Rome, whether the Order agrees or not.”
CHAPTER 19
Phaedra must have packed and repacked her meager belongings half a dozen times in the several hours that had passed since her heated exchange with Micah.
She wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever. Tomorrow, she would be departing with him and the rest of Lucan’s hand-selected team for the expedition to the Deadlands. She had been informed they would be flying in the Order’s private jet to an airport in Kazakhstan where a smaller, specialized aircraft would then transfer them to the Siberian interior under the cover of night.
Phaedra glanced at the outfit of black fatigues and combat boots Brynne had brought by for her a short while ago. The warrior’s garb was a far cry from Phaedra’s supply of simple dresses, jeans, and light tunics originally intended for her short holiday at the colony.
There was a part of her that couldn’t wait to try it on.
But there was another part of her that didn’t want to rush the dangerous mission into the Deadlands. Not only because of what they might encounter in their search for the pair of missing crystals, but also because when they returned—successful or not—she would be leaving the Order behind and resuming the life that waited for her in Rome.
When she’d called Tamisia to explain this further delay in her return, she was surprised to hear her friend’s enthusiasm for working at the shelter. Not that it should have surprised her. During the many weeks Sia had assisted at the shelter after her fall from grace with the colony, Phaedra had witnessed her kind heart and tireless work ethic firsthand.
The shelter’s residents couldn’t be in better hands while she was away . . . or, should the Deadlands mission go horribly wrong and she was unable to return at all.
Phaedra didn’t want to consider all the ways they might fail, yet it didn’t keep the troubling thoughts at bay. Her soul was heavy with dread, not only for the task that lie ahead, but also the inescapable truth that no matter what fate might have intended for Micah and her, reality was pulling them apart.
After pacing restlessly in the confines of her room, she decided what she really needed was some air. She needed a few minutes to cleanse her spirit and her mind, and there was always one sure way for an Atlantean to do that. With the sun already on its descent toward nightfall, she had only a few spare minutes to soak up what she could.
Phaedra left her room and walked to the cozy courtyard garden she’d found that morning.
It was empty now, and she stepped outside to the inviting patch of solitude.
Golden afternoon sunlight bathed the stone patio and the colorful flower beds beyond. She walked out to the middle of it and tipped her head back, her arms spread wide beneath the warming rays. The light fed her cells as much as it nourished her soul. She drank up all she could, breathing slowly, letting the sun’s gifts wash over her.
She didn’t know how long she stood there. It wasn’t until she heard the soft crunch of gravel under a delicate foot that she opened her eyes and looked around her.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Phaedra.” Micah’s beautiful mother halted on one of the meandering garden paths. “I was just taking a little walk. I didn’t realize anyone was out here. Please, continue. I don’t want to disturb you.”
“It’s okay.” Phaedra shook her head. “You’re not disturbing me at all.”
“Isn’t it lovely out here?” Elise gestured to the inviting grounds that surrounded them. “I often steal a few minutes to myself to visit the gardens whenever Tegan and I come here. Being around so much glorious nature helps me think.” A small smile curved her lips. “It also helps me stop thinking, when I’m worrying over things I can’t control.”
Phaedra exhaled a shallow sigh. “I understand.”
“I’m sure you do.” Elise approached her, nodding toward a small bench situated near a tall, fragrant rosebush. “It’s too nice to go inside so soon. Would you like to join me for little while?”
“I’d love to.”
They sat together in comfortable silence for a moment, both content to simply admire the golden light as the sun began to sink below the tops of the trees. It wouldn’t be long before it was dark and the warriors inside the command center began suiting up to start their patrols.
“It’s not easy loving a member of the Order,” Elise remarked, her gaze still fixed on the setting sun. “Knowing they’re always surrounded by violence and death, realizing there is the very real possibility of losing them every time they go out on a new mission. It never gets any easier.”
