30
MELANIE
It’s been a month since I walked out of Muse in pieces.
One month, but to my broken heart it feels like a century. I’ve carried on with my life and school, with my family and friends. Thank God for my friends.
I’m only half-listening to Evelyn seated across from me for lunch at a table in Vendange, one of our favorite places in the city. Despite my inattention, I’m grateful for her company and conversation. Her excitement for her lingerie shop’s soaring success helps distract my mind from all the things I can’t avoid thinking about when I’m alone.
Especially at night, when my longing for Jared and my pain for what I’ve lost—for what I possibly never had with him to begin with—is at its worst.
My friends have held me together when it feels like I’m comprised of a million fractured shards, kept in place by sheer will alone.
I’m surviving without Jared these past weeks because I have no other choice. I told him to stay away from me, and he has. Evidently, he’s handling our breakup with a lot less anguish than I am.
Eve takes a sip of her iced tea and waves her hand in front of her. “Blah, blah, blah. Enough about me. Congratulations on getting that job offer from the firm in Midtown. I’m so happy for you!”
“Thanks.”
“When do you start?”
“I go in for a day of introductions and training next week, but I won’t officially start until my classes are over and I graduate with my degree at the end of the semester.”
Eve raises her glass to me. “Here’s to getting your MBA. You did it, girlfriend.”
I smile as we clink our iced teas in a toast. Although the full-time accounting job will help pay the bills the way none of my other work could, I’m not as excited about it as I should be.
At one time, landing a safe, long-term position with a stable company was all I wanted. Now, I can’t think about it without hearing Jared’s advice to aim higher, do something more challenging, more rewarding to me personally.
Someday, maybe I will. And someday, maybe I’ll make it through an entire day without looking back in regret or yearning on our brief time together, too.
I hope that day comes soon, because so far it feels like a hurt that will never fade.
Eve swallows a bite of her sandwich, looking at me as if she can tell I’ve drifted back into difficult waters. “How’s your mom doing, Mel?”
I smile with genuine joy. “She’s doing great. She’s keeping active, walking every day. I haven’t told you yet, but she and Katie talked me into getting a dog a couple of days ago.”
“What?” Eve gapes. “Oh, let me guess. Something adorable, right? A cute little lap warmer that you can carry in your purse?”
I laugh and shake my head. “Actually, that’s what they both wanted, but when we got to the shelter we all fell in love with a sweet pit bull mix named Sadie who’d been surrendered when her owner passed away. She’s a bit big and rambunctious for our small house, but we’re making it work. Between the daily walks to the park and the tail-wagging affection, Sadie’s already doing wonders for Mom’s heart.”
“How’s your heart holding up?”
I sigh. “Not so good. I’m trying to keep myself busy so I don’t think about him. I miss Jared something terrible, Eve.”
“You’re still in love with him,” she gently points out.
“Will this awful ache ever go away?”
My friend’s smile is tender with sympathy. “I’m the wrong person to ask. I’d never been in love until Gabe. Since we met, my feelings for him have only gotten stronger. I don’t think I could turn it off even if we weren’t together.”
I groan, miserable to consider this may be my new normal. I’ve wanted to call Jared so many times. I’ve yearned to see him, but I’m afraid of getting hurt again. I’m terrified to think this pain could go any deeper.
“I can’t excuse what he did,” I murmur. “But there’s a part of me that can’t hate him for it, because if he hadn’t exposed Daniel, how long would it have taken me to unravel Daniel’s lies and secrets on my own?”
Eve nods, her expression grim. “I’m not sure it even occurred to Daniel that his gambling problems and the debts he racked up in Las Vegas could’ve put you in jeopardy, too.”
“I’m not sure he cared about that,” I admit. “Daniel’s top priority is himself.”
