“At the hospital, you told me she drank and smoked.”
He nods. “That didn’t start until after we lost everything. It was a blood clot that stopped her heart, but I think she went downhill so fast because her heart was broken. She just . . . gave up.”
“What about you? You were so young. It couldn’t have been easy for you, either.”
He shrugs, as if his pain was inconsequential. “I couldn’t give up. I had my mom to look after.”
“Didn’t she or your father have any family who could help you?”
“Mom had a sister, but my aunt wanted nothing to do with her after the farm was lost. Dad was an only child from the other side of the tracks. All they had was each other.”
“And you.”
“I wasn’t enough reason to make my mother live,” he states flatly. “She used to draw and paint from time to time, but she had no interest in art after Dad was gone. The only work she knew was on the farm. I tried to earn money around town, but there’s only so much a fourteen-year-old kid can do.”
I reach up and smooth some of the damp tendrils of hair away from his furrowed brow. “I can’t imagine how hard it was for you.” I had my struggles growing up, but at least I had my mom and Jen. Jared had no one. “When we were at your studio, you said you left Lexington and came to New York when you were sixteen.”
“The day after I buried my mom, I spent my last few dollars on a bus ticket and never went back.”
“Did you know anyone in the city?”
“No.”
“How did you get by all by yourself? This isn’t an easy place to navigate as an adult, let alone a boy on his own at sixteen.”
“I did what I had to. Some of it was even legal.”
“And the rest?”
Those shadows that so often lurk in his eyes are there again as he meets my questioning gaze. I don’t want to guess at the things he might’ve had to do in order to survive, but the only thing worse than guessing is hearing Jared confirm my dread.
“The only things of value I had were my wits and my body. I used both.”
“Is that how you met Kathryn Tremont?” I’m aware of his affection for the wealthy socialite who’d been both his lover and his friend over the years, but part of me will never forgive her if she preyed upon Jared when he was at his most vulnerable. “Did she pay you for sex?”
“No. She pulled me out of that world. Nate actually made it happen. He knew her before I did, and he persuaded Kathryn to let me live at the mansion and earn my keep in other ways. Art turned out to be one of them. She was a collector, also a patron for new talent. She helped me get my start, introduced me to the right people and made sure my work was shown in the right galleries.”
My hackles smooth a bit, concern replaced by a feeling of gratitude for the woman I’ll never know. “I’m glad she was there for you. God knows, you needed someone to lean on after everything you’d gone through, Jared.”
The words come out a little choked, and he frowns at me.
“Christ, don’t look at me like that. Do not feel sorry for me. Pity’s the last thing I want to see on your beautiful face.”
“I don’t pity you or feel sorry for you. I care for you, Jared.”
God help me, it’s more than that. This feeling that’s been growing inside me goes deeper than simple affection. Deeper than the desire that consumes me every time I’m near this man, or the longing I feel when we’re apart.
It’s so engulfing, it terrifies me.
And as I hold his searching gaze, I glimpse a trace of that same stark alarm in Jared’s eyes, too.
“You deserve more than I can ever give you,” he says softly. He raises his hand and I feel the tremors as he lightly caresses my face. The shaking has lessened since we’ve been talking, reduced to a small tremble in his fingertips. He exhales, his sensual mouth twisted with regret. “Nothing’s going to cure it. There won’t be some miracle to fix me. Not even you.”
“I’m not looking to fix you, Jared. I’m just trying to be your friend. And I don’t turn my back on the people I care about.”
“No, you don’t,” he says, his gaze moving from my eyes to my parted lips. “You make me wish I were a better man, Melanie.”
Lifting up on my toes, I cup the back of his strong neck and bring his head down to meet my kiss. I take my time, savoring the feel of his mouth on mine, tasting the hunger in him that erupts on a low growl as I sweep my tongue inside to tease his. He encircles me in his arms, pulling me against the firmness of his muscled body and the very clear evidence of his arousal.
