The excuse that he was expected in a meeting with Sterling Chase was the truth, but it tasted as awful as a lie as he closed the guestroom door behind him and headed through the mansion on his way to the operations area of the command center. She hadn’t pressed him to explain his abrupt withdrawal after she had drunk from him.
That’s how he knew he had wounded her deeply. The woman he’d first met only days ago would have confronted him head-on. She wouldn’t have hesitated to lock horns and fearlessly demand he explain himself.
Tonight, she had retreated without a word of argument. Because she’d been afraid of what he might say.
She didn’t have to tell him that; he felt her dread through their bond.
Dread he had caused by holding duty above his own heart.
Worse, by holding duty above hers.
Rafe stalked down the long hallway of the sprawling mansion’s residential wing, his steps slowing on their own as he reached the chamber that had been his until the past few weeks.
He didn’t know why he felt compelled to go inside. It wouldn’t be his again until his mission was officially over. Maybe not even then, because he intended to end that mission tonight.
He was still committed to taking down Opus Nostrum. That would never change until he succeeded or took his last breath. But if the Order wanted him to fulfill that objective as one of them, he was going to tell Devony everything. With or without their blessing.
And he was going to inform Chase and Lucan of that fact right now.
He preferred not to do it wearing clothes that were stained with blood and death. After his bath with Devony, it had seemed almost sacrilege to put them on again, so he was glad to find his closet still stocked with street attire and combat gear just as he’d left it.
He changed into basic jeans and a black T-shirt, then laced up a pair of black leather boots. As he tied the last knot and stood up to leave, he found Tavia Chase standing in the open doorway.
“You kept my quarters for me.”
His commander’s mate smiled. “Of course, I did. I expected you’d be back eventually. Now, I’m not so sure.”
Tavia had been aware from the beginning that his exile was all part of the operation. But she wasn’t talking about him returning from his mission. She meant ever.
And he couldn’t seem to tell her any different.
“Devony is a special young woman,” she said. “I can see that right away. I can see why you love her.”
Rafe scowled, but he couldn’t deny it. Tavia was too astute to believe otherwise. He’d grown up in the Order from the time he was an infant. The elder warriors and their mates were his family, his fellow comrades were closer than any brother could be.
As for Tavia, she was a respected tactician and valued member of the Order’s team, much like the rest of the warriors’ mates. Right now, what Rafe needed was a confidante.
“I drank from her tonight. I was injured, and she helped me.” He lowered his head and swore under his breath. Because taking her blood in a moment of weakness would be selfish enough, but then he’d gone and made it worse. “A little while ago, I let her drink from me. We’re blood-bonded, Tavia.”
“Congratulations.”
“No.” He shook his head. “No, I did it all wrong. I fucked this up. We’re together because of a lie. Because I was on a mission and she was an asset I needed to win over. Then I discovered her secrets and I exploited them. I made her think she could trust me.”
“Are you saying she can’t?”
“No, that’s not it. I’d do anything for her. I’d give my life for hers.”
Tavia’s gentle gaze held him. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.”
“After what happened in Montreal, I told myself never again. I was never going to trust myself to believe what I was feeling because it might not be real. I never wanted to be blinded like that again.”
“You were tricked, Rafe.” Tavia shook her head. “That Opus spy could’ve chosen anyone. And from what I saw of Devony tonight, I don’t think she could possibly be more different.”
“I know that. It’s not Devony I doubt.”
“Then what?”
“It’s this.” He held his fist to his sternum, where it felt as if a hole were opening up.
