He walks forward, his steps controlled and measured, his carriage military precise. He pauses for a moment, just out of my reach.
“I’m sorry, Evelyn. I’m sorry for everything.”
I stand there, my breath trapped in my lungs as he walks past me and out the door.
When I’m certain he’s gone, when the muffled ding of the elevator signals its arrival to carry him away, I let the air go. It escapes my lips on a ragged sob.
31
~ Gabriel ~
O’Connor walks into my office a few minutes after I get there. “Evelyn went to look for you a few minutes ago. I know you told me to keep her in the fitness room lounge, but she insisted she didn’t need a babysitter and I . . . Oh, shit.”
She stops short, glancing at my holster and service weapon, which I’ve just removed and placed on my desk. The Baine International pin clatters as I set it down beside the other accoutrements of my job.
Former job.
I must look as pathetic as I feel, because her expression mutates into a soft sympathy that sets my teeth on edge. “What are you doing, Gabe?”
“What I should’ve done as soon as I realized how I felt about Evelyn.”
“You’re quitting?”
I give her a curt nod. “My resignation email should’ve already hit Dominic Baine’s in-box.”
“God, you’re serious.” She gapes at me. “What the hell just happened up there?”
“I fucked up.” I shrug as if it’s no big deal. As if my heart doesn’t feel like it’s just gone through a shredder.
I should have refused to let Evelyn push me away. I should have fought with every weapon at my command to convince her how I feel. That after having her in my life these past weeks, I can’t imagine a day—or a night—without her. Nor do I want to imagine it.
Damn it, I should have told her it was her brother who insisted I shield her from the facts, even when I pressed him to tell her everything. To let me tell her the truth—all of it, including the fact that I was tasked with her personal security. That she was, in fact, part of my job description.
But she was never only that. Fuck, not even close.
I know I could have put the bulk of the blame on Beck. The secrets were his idea, his insistence. I know he wouldn’t refute that. But blaming him would’ve only worsened the conflict between Evelyn and her brother. I know what it feels like to be estranged from family, to be so at odds you can’t even be in the same room together. I would never wish that for Evelyn and Beck. I’m not about to use that kind of damaging leverage to bolster my own wants and desires.
Even if I were willing to destroy their bond to try to strengthen mine with Evelyn, it wouldn’t change the fact that I chose duty over telling her the truth. She was right. I had a choice and I made it.
I was afraid to put my job on the line, or to jeopardize my friendship with Beck and Nick. I felt Iowed them both for taking a chance on me, for taking a leap of faith when no one else in my life had.
Now, I’ve blown everything to pieces.
The worst loss of all, the only one that means anything now, is the loss of Evelyn’s faith in me. The loss of her friendship and trust.
The loss of her love.
I rake a hand through my hair and heave a sigh. “I crossed a line with Evelyn and I don’t think there’s any coming back from it.”
O’Connor studies me. “You’re in love with her.”
“Desperately.”
“You’re in love with her, but you’re leaving.”
“It’s what she wants.”
“Shit, Gabe. I’m sorry.”
