I’m no better than my old man in a lot of ways. Yet she’d handled me with patience, with affection. With a trust I haven’t earned and don’t deserve.
I can’t deny the stark dread that shot through me when she joked about telling anyone that we’d been together. I’d acted like a dick, pushing her away and then losing my shit while I was donning my prosthesis.
If not for my job and her brother, everything would be different.
Everything but me. I’ll still be the same fucked up asshole I’ve always been, and she deserves something more.
That doesn’t mean I crave her any less.
If I had her phone number, I would have called her already. Not because I want to get between her legs again, although I do want that. Desperately. More than anything, I just really want to hear her voice.
As much as that ought to scare the ever-living shitout of me, it doesn’t.
With Mom and Ethan gone, Jake stares at me for a moment. “Awfully nice of Kelsey to stop by earlier tonight.”
“O’Connor? Yeah.” I nod. She’d come by the hospital for a few minutes on her way home from work, bringing a bag of fast food burgers and fries, which my brothers and I devoured on the spot. “I told her when she texted me this morning that she didn’t have to go to the trouble, but you see how far that got me with her.”
Jake smiles, still studying me. “She cares about you, man.”
“She’s a good friend.”
He clears his throat. “That all?”
I glance at him, frowning. “That’s all.”
“So, you and her . . . you two have never—”
“Slept together? Fuck no.” My scowl deepens. “And don’t you think about it, either. Like I said, she’s my friend. I’d hate to have to kill you if you touch her, brother.”
He backs off, holding up his hands. “Okay, okay. Point taken. It’s called a bro code for a reason.”
Bro code.Shit. What kind of hypocrite am I to hold Jake to any kind of sacred code when I’m breaching the one I have with Beck?
At this point, I don’t think any level of threat would be enough to keep me away from Evelyn. And while guarding her body is part of my current job description, I’m pretty sure doing it while naked is grounds enough to cost me both my job and another limb. Or three.
“You know what? Fuck me,” I tell Jake. “Fuck everything I just said. She digs you, in case you aren’t aware.”
He perks up again. “Yeah? You think so?”
I nod begrudgingly. “Yeah, she does.”
Although Jake’s a dedicated bachelor and makes no excuses for that fact, I know that deep down, where it matters, he’s a good man. Better than me, that’s for damn sure. And as much as I want to protect my friend O’Connor from heartache, she’s a grown woman capable of making her own decisions.
I scowl at my brother’s lopsided grin. “Get one thing clear, though. You hurt her, and you answer to me.”
“Done.” Jake cuffs my shoulder. “What do you say we get out of here? You up for a beer?”
I shake my head, even before my brain kicks in. “Long day. I’m just going to head back to the city.”
I hardly ever turn down a chance to hang with my brother, but right now it’s not alcohol I’m craving. It’s not hard, anonymous sex at one of Jared Rush’s private-invitation clubs, either, which astonishes me to realize. Normally, after a stressful day like this one, I turn to either one of those outlets—often both.
Right now, I can think of only one thing I need.
Jake and I walk down to our cars, and he drives off toward Bayside. I head for the Queensboro Bridge and the fastest route back to Manhattan. Back to the Upper East Side apartment building I have no business being at, yet cannot seem to drive past.
Using Evelyn’s garage code from last night, I park next to her Volvo and take the elevator up to the tenth floor. My palms are damp, my heart pounding like a drum in my chest. I stand outside her door for a long minute before I raise my hand and knock.
Shuffling footsteps sound from inside, then a pause. I flick my gaze to the peephole.
