“No. I don’t know if people are still living on Earth either.” She shrugs. “Maybe they managed to save it, or maybe only the cockroaches survived.”
I frown.
“They are a kind of insect…did that translate badly?”
“It did not translate at all, and I could not make a guess.”
“It’s kind of weird thinking about it. How a bunch of people volunteered to leave Earth and try again. We were told the planets selected had no people.”
“Does that mean you found other planets that have people?”
Her eyebrows pull together. “I guess so. Or perhaps they are filled with giant predators or carnivorous plants or something else dangerous to humans. You weren’t worried about that when you crossed the ocean?”
“We were aware of the creatures in the ocean. We didn’t know what we might find on this continent, only that a star had fallen and chasing that was a better idea than waiting to die.”
“I guess that’s what my parents thought too. Better to do something than nothing.” She shoves her hands into her pockets. “Can I ask a question?”
I tilt my head in agreement.
“Why haven’t you chosen a mate? It can’t be for lack of volunteers.” From the lift of her eyebrows, it’s clear she expects an answer.
I press my lips together and draw in a breath. Is this where she volunteers? Perhaps I should’ve expected that.
“Or do you prefer male mates?” Alisha continues, unaware of my turmoil.
“Men cannot be mates. There is no mating bond, but strong attachments often form.” Orik and Vari found a happiness that I admit to being jealous of. They share an affection that I have never found and do not remember. Having heard tales about my brothers’ lives, the way I was raised did not do me any kindness, even though my tribe believes it best.
“Oh…male lovers then?”
I frown. “I have only had male lovers, so I cannot tell you which I prefer. I will not choose on this voyage and go into rut if that is what concerns you.”
She smiles, showing her teeth for a heartbeat before sealing her lips. “That wasn’t my concern. You don’t seem like the kind of person who’d jeopardize a mission. I was trying to get to know you better.”
My eyebrows pull together.
Humans might consider her pretty with her dark hair and eyes, strong nose and golden skin. And while I am accustomed to seeing humans all the time, her eyes seem too small for her face, even though her gaze is thoughtful and her profile sharp. However, the smallness of her eyes does not affect her ability to see details. That she commands a ship speaks of her leadership and her skills as a pilot.
Beauty does not last, but character does.
I am surprised that she has not chosen a human man or been chosen by one. But then, by her own admission, she doesnot seem to be interested. I hope that the other women on this expedition are just as uninterested and that the men do not create trouble. I am happy to be ignored and offer my advice only when it is sought.
Perhaps they will not need me on the second or third trip to the mainland.
But if I am not needed in the colony, or on their research trips, where do I belong? While my brothers do not exclude me, their lives are moving on. It would be easier if I could say what I want. Because I look at them and their happiness, and I worry that I am missing out. But then I remember Sunif talking about suffering after the loss of his first mate, and I do not want that.
So I am stuck, unable to choose a direction, which makes me easy prey for scavengers. I am known for my raid planning…yet I cannot plan my life. I shrug. “There is not much to know.”
“Everyone has stories and secrets they want to keep.”
I’m not sure I have any secrets, at least not with my brothers. Secrets get people killed. “And what secrets are you keeping?”
Her eyes are bright as she smiles. “They wouldn’t be a secret if I told you.”
I’m not sure if she’s saying that to encourage me to talk or if she truly has secrets. I doubt she harbors secrets that might endanger the mission.
Is she wondering if I do? Do I harbor a secret desire to return to my tribe, taking a human woman an exchange for being given a place? I remember little of my tribe as I grew up away from them. Why should I give them anything when they gave me nothing?
Do I want to live among the Honey? Perhaps. But if I join another tribe, I will be considered an outsider as I am not one of them. I will need to prove myself in an effort to carve out a place to call home.
