He inclines his head. It’s a more subtle gesture than a nod but carries a depth of meaning. It’s not resignation, or anything as fierce as rebellion.It is an unsettled sensation that I never had when roaming with my brothers. There was no time for it because we were busy surviving. Now there is time to think.
I smother a laugh.That’s the first problem, thinking.
He frowns, not understanding that people who take orders for a living shouldn’t do too much thinking.It’s a human thing. Soldiers shouldn’t question orders, only obey.
I am glad I am not part of your security team.
Hrad is not a take-orders kind of guy. From all accounts he likes to give them, and expects people on his hunting parties to obey, which caused some friction until a suitable hunting party was formed. There are some people who are quite happy to listen to him and follow his instructions because they lead to success. And success means fresh meat, even if it is only a morsel in a stew, which makes everyone happy.
Hrad’s bio made for the most interesting reading, mostly because it was so different from everyone else’s.
What about you? You are a pilot and well positioned. What makes you contemplate life?
Did he do his own research on me and the rest of the team? Or has he figured out the colony structure without any formal education?I’m a pilot and engineer because I tested well as a child. I didn’t get a choice about what I wanted to do. And whileI love flying…I shrug. I don’t know what else I’d do in the colony if I wasn’t flying. I do know there were less options on Earth.
I may not have been born.
No, that’s not true. My parents got on the ship because their parents, my grandparents, had the money to ensure they were included. It’s not exactly a secret that while most people earned their place through being smart, some were included because of family money. Without that money, the ships would never have been built.
I may have been born on Earth, but it would’ve been in one of the shelters. I would’ve never stepped outside, never felt the rain on my skin—or if I had, it would’ve killed me soon after.
I don’t hate my life. I’m not ungrateful for the opportunity. But there is a…chafing…a something.
A yearning for the lost opportunities?He taps his chest again.A melancholy of not knowing how best to use what you have, and a fear of doing the wrong thing.
Do your people have a word for it?
His eyebrows pull together. In the dappled forest light, his amber-colored eyes are bright, catching the sun and glinting with flecks of gold. They are pretty even though they are so big.
No word. But in my tribe, it is said that sometimes you can hear the yearnings in the leaves, as people unburden their hearts in the forest.
Walking in the forest causes this unrest?
He smiles.I do not think the forest causes it, more that it allows the space for unrest to be explored.
Why would anyone want to explore feeling dissatisfied?But that’s not the right word either. It’s not unhappiness or a craving for more…more like a hunger to taste something new and different. Oh, I understand what he’s saying now.It’s a yearning to explore what might have been, even though it is impossible to experience a life other than the one you are living.
He watches me, the shadows of the leaves dancing over his face.Yes, so many steps led us to this point in this forest. And while we chose some of them, others were forced on us. We yearn for the alternatives…even if we do not truly wish to live them.
You would not choose to live the life of an unbanished warrior?
Hrad is silent for several heartbeats.No. As the fourth son, the chance of me being chosen is small. I would have remained unmated, yet duty bound to my tribe. This way, I was able to explore far beyond my tribe, and beyond this land. I have met people from beyond the stars and seen things I could never have imagined.He draws in a breath.That does not mean I do not dream of a life with a tribe and a mate and family.
He glances up at the leaves.We have whispered enough of our secrets.
He may have, but I have so many more questions about him and myself.
Perhaps it is the noise without voices, the rustling of leaves and the chirps and grunts of animals that has given my mind the freedom to roam as that they will not judge my thoughts.
He starts walking again, and I follow. Questions and answers tumble through my mind. Without the colony’s edict, would I want to find a partner and make a family? Or am I pushing back because it is an expectation?
At what point is my life mine, instead of belonging to the colony? Or is that impossible, because without my life, and everyone else’s, there is no colony. And if there is no colony, there is no survival.
8
HRAD
Ihear the song of the waterfall before we reach it. It is not huge, but I don’t know if that is because it lacks height or volume of water. I am hoping for the latter, and that the river is not too large to cross.
