“Great.” Random food that may or may not be safe for us to eat. Does no one care about things like that? Or about the water quality? But I follow her back to the fire and sit on the blanket like a good captive.
Sunif gathers more bits of wood, adding to the pile. He feeds the fire and sets up a frame to cook whatever Orik catches.
My lips are dry, but the water skin he wears on his hip was emptied long ago, and he no longer carries it. It must be with Orik to be refilled.
I pluck at the blanket. It’s woven out of something and has been patched several times. I stop short of pulling a thread because if I ruin the blanket, it will be me who misses out. These are men who don’t have the means to make another because they don’t have a tribe. All they have is each other.
“Are you thinking about choosing him?” Bridget asks, as if which alien to choose is all we are allowed to talk about.
I want to say no. But if I do that, it will seem weird if I do decide to be his fake mate. Maybe I should, if only to buy myself time. “It’s too rushed.”
And he’s too grumpy. And I’m not ready to share a blanket with him.
“You aren’t worried about the mating?” I watch Bridget carefully.
“No. Sabine said it was fine. Nothing too weird.”
I’ve only ever seen a penis when studying human biology and that looked weird. I like guys, but there was no point in trying to form a relationship because there wasn’t enough to go around, and they knew they didn’t need to try. As a result, I never got around to having sex. That and the guys I knew are more interested in other women, like my sister, not me. My brother always had more than one girlfriend and if they didn’t like it, he moved on to someone who didn’t care. My father argued with him about that. But Earth values don’t matter here.
I let the thought settle.
Earth values don’t matter. This isn’t Earth, no matter how much the colony leaders want it to be. The gender imbalance has already thrown off what my parents saw as normal.
Human men don’t want me, and nor do alien ones, it seems.
Sunif only wants me to earn back his place in his tribe.
Perhaps I should wait and see if one of the men at the ship does. What would it feel like to be wanted? Desired? But the only reason they’d want me is because I’m their only chance of having a mate and that doesn’t sit right either.
While Sabine chased her happy ending, the rest of us have been dragged along for the unpleasant ride.
Sunif glances over at me as if he knows I’m thinking about him.
Bridget elbows me in the rib. “He likes you.”
I roll my eyes to stare up at the stars. “He likes the idea of a mate.” Which is a lie. He doesn’t. “They just want sex.”
“They have it with each other. Orik has a lover on the ship. A mate is something different.”
“What? They have sex with each other?”
“People, I guess even aliens, need touch. They get lonely and horny.” She shrugs again, as if that isn’t some kind of revelation to me.
I get lonely, and I want sex, but I deal with it myself because the idea of going out and talking to men to decide which one to have a fling with always seemed like a waste of time. And I never wanted to find out if they’d say no.
These guys won’t say no.
I almost wish Sabine were here, instead of spending the night with her alien boyfriend—or should that be husband?—so I could ask her questions about what the aliens are like in bed, not that I have anything to compare to. Is that what my problem is? I don’t know what I want because I’ve never had it?
I lean closer to Bridget and lower my voice to a whisper. “Have you had sex?”
“With Orik? No, because I’m not ready to choose a mate.”
“I mean with a human.”
“Yeah.” She glances at me. “You haven’t?”
I shake my head. “I was busy and…” And my sister is the pretty one. The tall one with the perfect hair. Mine is messy and curly and I’m not graceful like she is. I know it’s not a competition because the matches are made based on genetics. But she dated the man I am matched with, and she made sure I was aware how she had him first.
