Around us the trees rustle. How far away are Orik and Bridget? How far behind us are Edilk and Sabine? How much do I trust Sunif? “That didn’t answer my question.”
He sighs. “Then that is their choice. No one can force a woman to choose a mate.”
I hold his gaze. That doesn’t mean that they are left to live their lives in peace, but I doubt I will get a complete answer out of him on the topic. I take three steps and close the gap between us. “So every man who wants a mate must compete to prove himself worthy.”
“Yes.”
“Then why don’t you want a mate?”
He presses his lips together and studies me in much the same way that I have seen others study bugs and small animals. Perhaps I wear a similar expression when I examine fungi.
“I had one.”
My eyebrows pull together in what my mother would call an unattractive frown—as if my looks matter when the colony had already picked my partner, or at least the father of my children. I never expected there to be more than that between us, unlike some. At least I didn’t have to worry about dating and all that mess. I could get on with my work and wait for the leaders to tell me it was time to have a baby. My life was simple and ordered, and I liked it. The tears are so close to the surface I have to blink to clear them.
“How did you have one if you are banished?”
“I hadn’t been banished yet. We do not cast children out. I was three months shy of coming of age and banishment. We had been friends and liked each other more than we should have. She thought if she chose me, then I wouldn’t be banished.” He starts walking, and the rope draws tight before I catch up. “And I wanted to believe that was possible.”
“And then what happened?”
“I was punished for daring to touch a woman and then banished.”
“So you knew you were going to be banished your entire life?”
“Yes. It made no difference growing up. I was treated the same as everyone else. It was I who grew too comfortable and thought the rules would bend.”
“She didn’t leave with you?” My steps quicken so I can keep up with his long strides. I’m not watching where I’m going because I want to see his face as much as I want to find out what happened.
“No, she did not.”
“Did you want her to?”
He stops and I am in front facing him. “Of course I did. She was my mate, and I was in rut. I wanted nothing but her.” He grabs my upper arms and lifts me, as though I weight nothing, so we are face to face. “That hurt more than the beating that formed part of my punishment. Some do not survive being separated from their mate. Some go mad. So no, I do not want a mate again because I do not want to experience the pain of separation.”
He sets me on the ground. “We do not speak of this again.”
He goes to step around me, and I put my hand on his chest. The cloth of his shirt is rough on my palm and the heat of his skin seeps through it. I have to tilt my chin to stare up at him as the top of my head doesn’t reach his chin.
Sunif glances down and places his hand over mine. At first I think it is to tear my hand away because my touch offends him, but we stand there for several seconds before he speaks. “The others do not know about my mate.”
“Why not?”
“Because I will not be cast out again. I destroyed my family’s honor because I dared to take what wasn’t mine.”
“But she chose you?”
“And I should have been brave enough to refuse her. I am a warrior, but I did not think beyond what I wanted. I was selfish thinking only of my needs. She was everything I longed for, and I recklessly thought I could take it. I am lucky I was not offered to another tribe as a brute because I would never have been given the chance to earn my freedom. I’d have been put in the mines or made to fight for entertainment until I died.” He removes my hand from his chest but doesn’t release it. “This way I still have a chance to return, to repay what I took.”
It takes me a moment to realize he means me.
“And then what will you do?”
“Enjoy being home.”
“Is she waiting?”
He laughs. “No, she chose my brother as my replacement. Though I believe some deal was made between our families.”
