She smiles as her gaze lands on Edilk. He lifts his head and gives her a nod as if to acknowledge her. “He promised me adventure and a home, and that he would always be mine. That’s what I want. He is kind and caring and makes damn sure I enjoy sleeping with him.” She pauses. “So if you aren’t sleeping with Sunif, how is he dealing with the rut? Actually, back it up. What do you mean you’ve never slept with anyone?”
I pluck a few bits of plant matter off the blanket and toss them aside. “I never got around to it.” I am definitely the odd one out. Heat creeps up my chest and my neck.
“You didn’t want to find out who the colony selected for you?”
“I know, and my sister got in first. She did it all the time and the more I told her to stop, the more she enjoyed it. So I stopped bothering.” What will she do now she can’t flaunt her latest boyfriend in my face? I hope she’s miserable. I hope all the guys she’s dated want nothing to do with her and she ends up alone. The venom of my thoughts catches me off guard, but I don’t hold it back. “I think I hate her. And my parents for never talking to her about her behavior. She was the pretty one, and I was the smart one, and that was all they cared about. That and their place at the table.”
They are the ones helping to uphold the rules.
Did they argue for a rescue or were they happy to let me go for the good of the colony? It was always about the good of the colony with them.
Tears well in my eyes and I can’t stop them from falling. Sabine puts her arms around me. I try to push her away, but she holds tight. “It’s going to be all right.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know we make the best choices we can at the time, but they aren’t forever.”
I sniff. “My parents are part of the reason the colony won’t change. The rules have been made and they need to be abided by.” Maybe there was something in the rules about sacrificing people to the aliens, rules that they didn’t share with the rest of us.
“I know who your parents are. You aren’t them. You have choices. We always had choices—but that doesn’t mean we get what we want.”
“You did.”
“I never wanted an alien. That was not part of my plan.”
“You had a plan? Were you part of the dissenters?”
She shakes her head. “I know of them. But I hadn’t got that far. In another month or two, I might have met with them. I don’t know. And I never will because I was pushed before I was ready to jump.”
“And you landed in his arms.”
“That was luck. We could’ve been killed by the screamer, or stray bullets, or by them,” she nods her head at Sunif and Edilk. “So what are you going to do about your-not-a-mate?”
I look at him and he turns as if feeling my gaze settle on him. He lifts an eyebrow and then his chin, acknowledging me in much the same way Ed looked at Sabine. Sunif doesn’t look through me hoping for something better. And the heat in his eyes when are doing all the things that aren’t sex isn’t something that I can forget.
Are the chemicals that make humans think we are in love any different to the ones that send the Honey into rut?
13
Sunif
“She does not look at you like a pretend mate.”
“That’s because we are pretending.” I am already regretting telling Edilk about our agreement, but since the rut is visible on my skin, there is no way for me to hide it from him, and since he is the only one who knows about my past, he was always going to ask what is going on with Mia.
“I will remain with you until you reach the ship.” Then there will be other warriors to protect the women.
Edilk puts his hand on my arm. “You are being foolish.”
I expected his disagreement. “You do not understand how difficult it is for me.”
“I have a fair idea now that I have experienced it and am still in the grip of it. We should’ve stayed away another day, but I’m glad we returned before you did something you cannot undo.”
“It is not over. It is never over. And now it has awakened being around women is painful.” While Mia can soothe it, it is not what I want. It is not what she wants either. She needs a tribe. “If you two are separated, for any length of time, it will return. You will feel the rage and pain of the hunger that cannot be sated. This glow is a warning to other males.”
“I do not want you to leave.” Edilk thumps his chest with his fist.
“I cannot keep up this ruse. It is not fair to her.” Or me, because I will crave her for as long as I am alive. It might have been any woman at the start, but it is her nectar that has slicked my skin and gotten into my blood.
