Something that all the dissenters, the ones who opposed the restrictions, had seen. I should have listened to their arguments, instead of dismissing them. I should’ve formed my own opinions instead of trying to please people who only cared that the job was done, not about the person doing the job. “I was thinking of other things.”
I force a smile.
His hand brushes my arm.Remember, we are mates.
I nod. That means I welcome his touch, and I let him look after me. Which doesn’t sound all bad. I don’t need to fight him. And I can trust him to behave as if I mean everything to him and he will do anything to keep me happy.
Can I trust myself not to fall for the act?
I need to remind myself that’s all it is.
What if it were real, and Sunif was my alien warrior mate?
He is attentive and caring. But is that love? How can it be when the reaction in his body was caused by another? Perhaps they don’t love the way humans do. Not that I have ever experienced that either. Nor did I ever expect to. Is that what I am hoping to happen, for Sunif to decide that he is in love with me?
A sigh escapes. I don’t know what I want anymore.
I’ve gone from having no decisions to make, to having everything land in my lap for me to sort through until I find something I can create a life out of. I don’t even know where to start. I’m not hungry for change like Sabine, and I’m not an engineer like Bridget.
My skills aren’t useful here.
Do I have anything to offer a tribe, be it alien, banished or otherwise?
Sunif stops me before we enter the clearing. “You are unsettled.”
“You didn’t read all my thoughts?”
“Not all your thoughts are clear. If you wish to communicate with me, silently, you must be clear.” He watches me with those big golden eyes, and it’s easy to pretend that he cares. “Or touching me.”
“I was thinking about the future…” I glance at Sabine, who has hers all figured out.
“The future will happen no matter how much thinking you do, and it will never be as you planned.” He takes my hand, our fingers threading together. “Come on.”
So I let him lead me into the clearing where Orik made camp. I am aware Sunif is talking to his friends from the slight shift in his posture and the ripple of energy over my skin.
When we reach the fire, he releases me and I walk over to where Sabine and Bridget sit.
“Did you fall in helping him fill the water bottles?” Sabine asks.
I glance over to where Sunif has set them down. He greets Edilk with an embrace like they have been apart for days. Edilk’s markings no longer glow as brightly. His rut has settled, though I’m not sure what that means.
“No, I wanted to wash my hair. It was far colder than I expected.”
“I miss hot water already,” Bridget says. “And I haven’t even bathed in the river yet.”
“I miss clean clothes.” I tug at my shirt. “I didn’t want to put these back on after.”
“Yeah, clothing is an issue. They raid for it because they can’t farm.” Sabine says with her gaze on Edilk. She now has two small braids in her hair with a bead on each.
“And you’re okay with that?” Bridget asks.
“I wasn’t okay with a lot of things at the colony. Now I have a new set of things to think about. However, I’d rather worry about surviving than being stifled and told to grow a certain way.” She smiles at Bridget. “Besides, we should be able to figure out how to make clothes. You’re an engineer, and Mia and I are scientists. And the guys understand how this planet works, and how their tribe does things. We aren’t starting from nothing.”
When she says it like that, it all seems very doable. “So everything is going okay with Edilk?”
I want to ask her what it’s like being with him, but that seems too personal when we are still mending the bridges that I burned down by holding her responsible.
She smiles. “Yes. I didn’t expect you to mate with Sunif. I thought you hated aliens.”
