I close my eyes, but I can’t say the words. All I can do is think them loud enough for him to hear.
I want to be chosen.
11
Sunif
Her skin is cold against mine from being in the water too long, and I can think of many ways to warm her should she ask. But instead of asking for pleasure, she is asking me to choose her?
I do not understand how that works. A man does not choose a woman—though he can refuse, it is rare because he has already proven himself and they already know they will be a good match.
I worry about Edilk and if he will be cast aside by the human woman who doesn’t understand us. I should worry about myself.
What Mia asks is impossible.
Her heartbeat echoes through me. My aching meq is pressed against her belly, and all I want to do is rip her underwear off and slide into the heat of her body. That I can stop myself means I am not too far gone, but I either need to leave—which I do not want to do—or I need to find relief.
A warrior would leave. He would put his tribe first.
I have never been that man.
And any woman deserves better than me.
“I cannot choose you. That is not how it is done.” I will not fall that far, even though I can’t help but rock against her as if I am fucking her. While the friction will be enough to spill, that isn’t what I need.
She doesn’t open her eyes. I know she doesn’t want me to leave, but I don’t believe that she wants me either. She wants someone who can give her hot baths and a proper bed, and I do not blame her. I want the same thing.
I should have gone to the colony instead of Tiril. I would be suffering, but perhaps one of the women would have chosen me. No, they would not be allowed. How would the humans have dealt with my rut? Perhaps once they saw the rage they would have killed me.
“Why can’t it be done that way?”
I move closer, my lips brushing her ear and her breasts pressed to my chest. Her nipples are hard peaks that demand to be touched as they rub against my skin. “If I did, would you accept me as your mate?”
She bites her lip.
“I did not think so.” It doesn’t sting the way it might once have. These few days with the human women have made me realize things about myself that I do not like and if I do not like them, how can I expect another to tolerate them?
“It’s too soon.”
“You want me to keep proving myself? That I can protect and pleasure you?” I hold my breath, waiting for her answer. I want that chance, if only to coat my fingers in her nectar so that I may ease the rut. I hope that is the answer, even though it is a temporary solution.
For a breath, I am caught in what the rest of my life will be like.
I cannot live around women, so I will never find a place in a tribe beyond one made of other banished. I will never be able to touch another without revealing the truth about my past—though perhaps Mia is an excuse that I can use to explain the rut caused changes, which will allow me to share the blankets of another warrior occasionally.
“Maybe?” She opens her eyes and looks up at me. Her eyes are dark, like night, but without the grace of stars to guide my way. It is easy to become lost in them. “It feels wrong.”
My meq pulses at the idea and I want to drop to my knees and feast on her slit. “How is it wrong?”
Her tongue darts over her lip. “Because you don’t get to fuck me. It’s called being a cock-tease.”
I tilt my head, not sure I understand what she has said. “Cock-tease?”
The words are awkward on my tongue, but I need to learn her words and she will need to learn mine.
“Um…because I get all the fun and you have to use your own hand. You don’t have that phrase, do you?”
I shake my head. I cannot imagine any man behaving in such a fashion. “I will gladly use my hand, so you may watch.”
