But the idea of going through the rut with a mate is so tempting.
I am not a warrior.
I am a coward.
* * *
Icatch breakfast, hoping that hunting will be enough of a distraction that I can forget about the chafing of my meq against my pants. When I return to the camp with two cleaned cloud-seekers, Mia and Bridget are sitting together and Orik is sifting through some of the items that we took from the humans.
It doesn’t take me long to set the cloud-seekers over the fire to cook. I didn’t remove the skin as that will protect the meat from burning and the guts I left far from camp. Despite the hunt, I feel worse than I did this morning.
My skin aches and all I want is to grab Mia, and the blanket, and fuck her until I can’t walk. My markings are so bright, even in daylight, I’m surprised I didn’t scare off the creatures I was trying to hunt.
You need more time with your mate.Orik grins.
I’m halfway to snarling that she isn’t my mate before I stop myself. I don’t know why I thought not having a mate was a good idea. My tribe doesn’t want me. Why should I return with a prize for them, when the only thing I gain is the allowance to once again live with them? I will still have no mate—and none of the women in my tribe will want a man who has already been in rut with another.
No doubt my body will continuously be in rut because I will be surrounded by women. In that heartbeat, I know I cannot live like that. I do not want to live like this.
It will not be so funny when you are in rut. Vari’s meq will give you no relief.The harshness of my words echoes in my head.
Orik scowls as his gaze flicks between me and Mia.Does she not understand your need? Does she not want to share in it?
I do not want him to think ill of her when this is my doing.I would like to be alone with her, but we are not.
Orik stands. “Thank you for hunting. That is where your skill lies, but mine is in the cooking. Why don’t you and Mia fill the water skins?”
He has both praised me and given me an excuse, even though I snarled at him. I do not deserve him as a brother. Last time I was alone, this time others will suffer my pain because I cannot find relief the way I am supposed to.
“I would be happy to.”Thank you.I send gratitude his way, as though more time with Mia is what I need. In a way it is, but only if I lower myself to asking.
“Can I go to the river? I’d like the walk,” Bridget asks as she goes to stand.
I mean to sigh, but it comes out as a growl as I glare at her.
Mia levels her gaze at me. What has she told Bridget? Have they been discussing me? Or mating in general? Or has she mentioned the agreement? I do not like any of those options.
“Why don’t you help me find something to go with the cloud-seeker meat? I think I saw some water-catchers nearby and the roots of them make good eating,” Orik says.
“I’d rather see the river,” Bridget says. She glances at Mia as though seeking approval.
“I don’t see why not.” Mia’s gaze flicks between me and Orik as if she is trying to figure out what is going on.
Does she not want to spend more time alone with me?
I pick up the water skins, including the ones the humans carry that are not made of skin at all. I will not beg for time alone with mymate. She should know. She should want to be alone with me.
She sat with me this morning…was it not enough? Do human women need a different kind of pleasure to be satisfied?
I grit my teeth. The anger flooding me is part of the rut. I remember it from the first time and have felt it when fighting as a mated warrior should. The fury makes me stronger in a fight. “Fine.”
Orik shakes his head. “It would be better if you stayed, Bridget.”
“Why can’t I go to the river?”
“I will take you later. Let thematesbe alone. Unless you want to watch them?” His lips curve. He is not shy, and others have enjoyed watching him and Vari. Will he be so generous with a mate?
Mia’s cheeks turn red.
