Now she is free.
I never stopped to think about what I wanted because that was never an option. I excelled at my studies, and I learned to enjoy my job. That was enough. But it was empty, and I can’t deny that there were times where I was lonely. I hated that I was overlooked because my sister caught all the attention. Her job is clothing stores and production—making what we had last and fit and then creating new textiles from what is available here. She knew how to use what was available to look good.
At least I know Sunif, and I think I can trust him as much as any of the other aliens.
“Time for what?” He presses.
His dick is a thick ridge in his pants, as if he is hard again. I want a closer look. How different is his dick to what human men have? Could I mate with him? My pussy is slick, and my stomach is tight. Watching him stroke himself had made my core clench with need.
“To get used to the idea that this is now my life.” I draw in a breath. He has shared his secret, so I should share mine. Not that it’s much of a secret. “I’ve never…mated.” I use his word. “With anyone.”
“Oh. Not even to share a blanket with another woman?”
“No. Do your people do that?” Their warriors slept with each other, so why wouldn’t their women also take female lovers?
“Of course. What else are women supposed to do if they are not ready to choose a mate?”
I hadn’t thought about it. The colony leaders don’t care, as long as the correct number of children are born, and they have the correct parentage.
He considers me for several long heartbeats. “Why did you not form an attachment?”
“Because there was no point. The leaders decided who will father my children, and I didn’t need him to like me. Besides, there weren’t enough men to go around and…” I could’ve had a female lover if I’d wanted, but I’d never explored that option.
“So you have been alone too.” He extends his hand, fingers pointed at the ground to show it is not an attack.
All I need to do is take a step forward and accept his hand. If I am to be his fake mate, then I need to grow used to touching him. That doesn’t mean I like him. Or that I want to be his actual mate.
I move toward him and slide my hand into his. There are marks on his wrist from the rope that bound us together. My skin prickles with awareness as we touch—because he is generating electricity, that’s all.
Then he pulls me close, so we are pressed together, and his arms are around me. He rests his chin on the top of my head. The length of his dick presses into by stomach. I don’t want to like the way that feels, but I do.
For a few breaths, I am safe and I can imagine that he wants me. And no one but me.
But that is a lie I will not let myself believe.
This is a reaction that would have been caused by any woman because he has had a mate before. Once again, I am nothing special.
What is wrong?
His thought intrudes in my mind and I flinch, not liking the sensation. My first instinct is to lie and say nothing. That is the easy thing. The one I am used to saying as I fix a smile on my face. My life was good. I had a reasonably important job—though not so important that they couldn’t be rid of me to appease the aliens. I’d learned how bad things were on Earth, both at school and from my parents.
How can I tell him that I want to be chosen when that goes against everything he believes in?
I shake my head. “I can’t sort my feelings out.”
That’s not a total lie, but it’s not an answer either and as his arms loosen, I think he was hoping for more.
“Orik is heading this way. He is concerned, or at least he is projecting that.”
For a heartbeat, I can’t breathe. This is it. The big lie is about to be created. What if he doesn’t believe us? What reason has he got to question it?
“Come on.” He keeps an arm around me. “I have said we are returning and that you are hungry.”
“And you aren’t?”
“Not for food.”
I open my mouth and close it again just as fast. My face burns and I’m glad for the cool night and the dark until I remember that he can see in the dark. His arm around me stops me from falling so many times, I’m not sure how I found him without landing on my face.
