I want to close the distance between us and kiss her. I want to feel her body against mine and to slide my fingers into her slick channel—I am guessing that she is wet and ready to mate, having watched.
I am not sensing any horror or fear, only curiosity and desire.
She licks her lip as though she is about to speak. Whatever she says, it will be the wrong thing. I cannot claim her as mine and she does not want me. We can watch each other all night, and those things will not change.
I draw in a couple of breaths, tasting my own cum on the air and the scent of the unfamiliar plants.
“Orik said dinner is almost ready,” she murmured.
I had walked far enough away that he would be able to sense me but not what I was doing. Though I am assuming he did the same at the river and that was why it took him so long to catch a serpent. “So you braved the dark to find me?”
She nods. “I…um…”
“Enjoyed watching?” I felt she did, but there is something else too.
“I shouldn’t have intruded.” She lowers her gaze, looking away from me for the first time.
If I hadn’t wanted her to see, I would have gone further away, or told her to leave. That she watched had spiked my pleasure. “You are curious about my meq?”
I am curious about her mating channel even though Edilk said they are much like Honey women, though human women only have one pleasure bump.
Her head moves in a tiny nod.
“Then ask and I will show you.” I take a step toward her.
“That’s not right.”
“Among my people a woman is allowed to ask to see a prospective mate’s mating equipment.”
And ten years ago, had I not been so enamored, I would have refused because from there it was only a few short steps to stroking it, and coming for her, to pleasuring her with my fingers and tongue. That was enough for a month, and then we went too far. We fucked, and I glowed.
“I don’t need to see because we are not going to be mates.” Her voice is low.
I glance at my hand, but my markings are the bright blue of a man in rut. I cannot will it away any more than I can fly. My body wants a mate, a woman, and it doesn’t care that she is not the same one that created this hunger so many years ago. The need will only become more jagged until it tears at my mind.
I don’t think I will survive that again.
I’m not sure I want to.
“Why are you still so bright?”
I sigh. If I hadn’t taken myself in hand, then I might have been all right for another day. We’d have reached the ship and…and I don’t know. If she doesn’t agree to be my fake mate, then the others will question what is going on. “I am in rut. Because I have experienced it before, it has risen to the surface.”
So even though all I want to do is take her home to regain my place and my family’s honor, my body wants more. Even if she chooses me, and we mate, then returning home with a mate will be like a spark to the nose of my family. Either way, I am damned.
“Oh. Will it fade?”
“No. I had hoped it wouldn’t happen.” Or had I been so driven by lust that I didn’t care? “That if I dealt with my need…” I do not want to be explaining all of this to her when she has made it clear that she does not want a mate. “It is fine. I survived before.”
“But Orik will notice.”
“Yes.” I will be forced to tell him. I grit my teeth and force out a breath. I will not give my brothers the chance to banish me. “I will take you to the ship, and then I will leave.” Because being close to her will only make it worse, and watching her choose another is not something I need to see.
I curse my body, and the way it had betrayed me. But better now than on the ship and halfway across the ocean. I do not wish to be thrown overboard to drown.
“Leave?” she says as though she cares what happens to me. Already the rage is simmering. It is the urge to fight and protect my mate. But she is not mine.
My mind and body do not agree.
