“I can see that but he has made his choice.” Something flickers across Omea’s face, but I don’t know if it’s sadness or envy or something else entirely.
I stare at Omea. “You’re letting him die?”
“I came for Noil, that is all.”
“What about us? We get no help?” But I know the answer, not until the one hundred days are up.
Omea shakes his head. “You may stay with the ship for the remainder of your hundred days.”
“That is a stupid rule. Where did it even come from?”
Omea hesitates for a second. “We were told and discovered it to be true. Survive for one hundred days and the planet accepts you.”
Eskar covers my hand. “Leah...”
I need to fight for Eskar, and Harding, and Wraight, for Ava lost in the forest. And for myself. “Then who will watch your precious wreck if we are here.”
Omea gives me a tight smile. “Sending an unmated man away for a month does him good. I give them all jobs and duties to keep them occupied.”
I frown.
“Forever has to be filled somehow, and for some work isn’t enough.” He nods at the two men with him, and they stride over to Noil. They say nothing as they untie him, unfold a stretcher, and place him on it.
“One of my men is wounded and needs care.”
“I cannot interfere.”
“Won’t. There’s a difference.” I can’t keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“If you survive, we will talk,” Omea says.
My fingers clench. “When I survive, I will have nothing to say to you.”
He nods. “We will see.” He looks at Eskar and places a hand over his heart and says something in their language. Eskar responds, though even I can tell that Eskar is saying the words by rote.
Then the four Paohl leave, walking upstream in pre-dawn gray. I watch them until they vanish, consumed by the shadows of the mountains. It’s only then I crumple to the ground, sinking into Eskar’s embrace as I dissolve into tears.
Chapter 15
Eskar holdsme close and murmurs in his language. The words are alien, but soothing. I want to hate him and be angry, to do more than sit here and feel like I’m losing everything.
It’s a stupid notion. I lost everything the moment the ship crashed. Every breath has been on borrowed time. Time that Eskar gave me. How can I hate him for that even though my death is waiting for me?
I don’t see how anyone can survive one hundred days. And even if I do…what then?
A few hundred years of wandering around until I crave something more? I’m not sure I want to survive. “You should’ve let me drown.”
Eskar rests his forehead against mine. “You are my mate.”
“I’m killing you.” And I can’t fix him. Everything is broken.
“I have been dying for a long time. Some have made a life, but many are unhappy. That is not your fault. It’s not anyone’s. This place is a nightmare and a dream. It is impossible and yet very real.”
I wipe my eyes and glance over at the ship. Harding is standing watch. We need to decide what to do. I want Eskar to be angry or to fight. To do something. But he is calm.
“Did you ever want me, or was I always just an escape?”
He tilts my chin, so I am forced to meet his gaze. “If I was to be lucky enough to claim a mate, I could ask for no one better. I had thought Omea would banish me for a time or think of some other punishment. Perhaps if I hadn’t been wounded, he would’ve, but what I have done opens the door to others to try the same thing.”
