They had come back to the apartment and immediately fallen into bed. There had been no talk, no quiet murmurs of their feelings or their fears. They’d simply let themselves exist in that moment and no other, taking comfort from each other’s touch.
“What are you thinking?” Connor asked, his words rumbling up through his chest, vibrating into her own.
Kat almost lied and told him she wasn’t thinking about anything at all, that she was simply lying there enjoying the moment and the feel of his warm skin against hers. But considering that she might only have the gift of speech for a very short period of time, it felt horrible to even consider lying.
“I was thinking how ironic it is that I now have all this power,” she said, turning her head so that her chin rested on his chest, her eyes meeting his. “Yet I can’t use it to give us the one thing I want more than anything else in the world—to be able to stop that clock from changing and taking away everything we have.”
Connor didn’t say anything for a while, and Kat felt bad for ruining the mood.
“You may not have the power to stop time,” he finally murmured, one of his hands coming up to trace warm fingers up and down her back. Even after the number of times they’d made love over the past hour and a half, it was stunning how much his touch could affect her. It was beautiful. “But now that you’ve leveled up, as far as with the power you have,” he added, and she could hear the hopeful note in his voice, “are you sure there isn’t some way you can break the spell Marko used on you? I know you said you’d tried for years, but maybe it will be different now that you’re stronger.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “Being stronger won’t help in this situation. I wish it would, but it won’t. I’ve spent the past four years doing everything I could to understand the familiar spell Marko put on me and locate where he buried it inside me, but I could never find it. I’ve never even come close. And being stronger isn’t going to tell me where it is or how to undo it.”
“But what if it does?” Connor pleaded. “You never know until you try. Maybe it will work this time.”
Kat knew it was desperation talking, but seeing Connor looking at her the way he was, so scared and lost, she couldn’t say no. So she rested her head on his chest again, then closed her eyes and tried to relax enough to feel the magic flowing through her.
Relaxing when there was a clock ticking on what was left of a normal life was rather difficult, but she forced herself to focus on her breathing as she slowly submerged herself in the magic that flowed all around her. As it had inside Marko’s ritual circle, the magic was far more intense than it had ever been—hotter, almost abrasive. This time, Kat relaxed and let it happen.
Turning her attention inward, Kat tried to filter through the magic inside her, seeking out anything that seemed wrong or even different. Using magic to gently “see” inside herself versus using it to affect the world around her was difficult, to say the least. From experience, she knew there were few magic users who were comfortable with it, which was why she’d never found anyone who could help her.
Kat searched for what seemed like forever, not even sure what she was looking for. And while she could certainly sense so much more of the power flowing through and around her, having access to it gave her no greater insight into her own body or what might be wrong with it. There was simply nothing she could find that screamedhere’s why you’re about to turn back into a cat!In the end, she had no idea if the inability to find anything was because she couldn’t see Marko’s spell or because that spell had disappeared with his death. She hoped it was the latter, but she was too cynical from four years of this horrible life to think it was that simple.
Kat slowly opened her eyes, a glance at the clock revealing that she’d wasted far too many minutes on a fool’s errand. Minutes she could never get back.
“Nothing?” Connor asked, the disappointment in his eyes making her think he knew the answer to the question before he’d even asked.
Kat shook her head, gaze slipping toward the clock on the nightstand again even as she knew she should stop torturing herself. Two minutes until everything changed.
“I can’t lose you,” Connor said brokenly, his arms wrapping around her, urging her higher up on his chest so her face was level with his. “Not after I’ve just now found you.”
She dropped her mouth down to his, kissing him hard and trying to melt inside him. “You’re never going to lose me,” she whispered fervently against his lips, making that promise with everything she had. “No matter what happens, I will always be right here with you.”
Connor buried his fingers in her hair, tipping his forehead up to touch hers. “Same. If I only get to be with you like this for a few days a year, I swear I’m going to love you more in those few days than anyone has ever loved in a lifetime. I promise you, Kat. I promise.”
She knew crying wouldn’t help, but as she laid there against him, her nose rubbing against his, the tears came anyway. “When I change back into a cat, it’s kind of a mess,” she murmured, tears falling freely now. “I should probably get off your chest. But I don’t want to. I want you to hold me the entire time. No matter what.”
“I will…always,” he murmured, tightening his fingers in her hair and kissing her over and over until she was drunk on his taste. She refused to look at the clock anymore, wanting these precious few seconds left to last a lifetime.
Kat had no sense of how much time passed, but at some point, she realized Connor wasn’t kissing her anymore. She opened tear-filled eyes to see him staring up at her, his gaze intense. She was about to ask what was wrong when he slowly turned his head to the side.
She followed his gaze, confused until she realized that the clock on the nightstand was displaying the number 12:01. Her breath caught, wondering if maybe the time was wrong. But then it flipped to 12:02 and still her body hadn’t started that horribly painful twisting and spasming.
Kat held her breath for another whole minute, until she could finally accept that this was really happening. That it was finally over. Then she dropped her head down to Connor’s big, strong chest and wept like a baby all over again.
She would have stayed there forever, content to simply lie there on top of him. But after a few more minutes, Connor picked her up in his arms and danced them around the bedroom like it was New Year’s Eve. And if she noticed a few tears slide down his face, too, she didn’t mention it. Instead, she kissed him and told him over and over that she loved him.
Chapter 26
“Man, I love the smell of barbecue in the morning,” Connor said with a grin as he led Kat through the training building to the big open area behind it and all the people waiting for them.
Kat let out a small laugh. “You love the smell of barbecue at any time of the day. Or night, for that matter.”
He chuckled. “Okay, you got me there.”
She’d been to a lot of the famous SWAT team cookouts over the past nine months, but this was the first one she’d attended in human form. Being able to walk around the compound holding Connor’s hand gave her a feeling that was impossible to put into words. It nearly brought tears to her eyes.
She had been doing that a lot since that night in his apartment when she realized she was going to get her life back. Even weeks later, she still felt like pinching herself sometimes, just to make sure this was all real. It was simply so perfect.
