“Are you all right?” Boone asks softly, voice just barely rising over the crackle of the fire as he hands me a red plastic cup. “You look a little tense or something.”
I take a long sip of my drink, almost disappointed to find that it’s only diet Coke and not something a little harder. I’m suddenly feeling very nervous, even though I can’t explain why. I know that Sarah or Boone’s teammates hadn’t meant anything by their comments, but now my heart is skipping beats and my palms are shaking. The worst part is that I know I’m being ridiculous. This relationship is all for show, nothing more. And yet, I can’t seem to stop.
Chill out, girl.I silently chide myself.
“Never better,” I insist with a smile.
But Boone can see right through me. He regards me for a moment, then shakes his head. Taking my free hand in his, he tugs me away from the fire and across the sand until we’re near the trees, and the crowd and the blaze are well behind us.
“I think you might’ve breathed in too much smoke, darlin’,” he says worriedly. “Let’s sit here for a minute and get some fresh air.”
As we sit together quietly on the beach, my mind wanders of its own accord. Moonlight peeks curiously through the tops of the looming trees and leaves rustle and limbs creak. Being out here reminds me of that dream I had of Boone a few weeks back and it’s enough to make my face burn scarlet. Hopefully, it’s too dark for him to see. In the distance, the team continues chatting and their cheery voices are carried along the breeze.
“I love these bonfire nights more than I do winning games,” Boone muses softly. Even though we’re not right in the public eye, he’s still sitting close to me. That’s probably only because Sarah or his coach or one of the guys could come wandering over to check on us at some point and we don’t want to look like an awkward couple. To be convincing was one of our rules. “It always reminds me of home.”
“You miss Texas?” I ask softly.
He nods. His eyes are distant and far away, like he’s floated off and is someplace else entirely.
“Would you ever want to go back there?”
“Heck no,” he answers without a beat of hesitation.
His response catches me a little off-guard and I can’t help but laugh.
“It’s just that I’ve come so far,” he explains with a shake of his head.
Boone turns to look at me and takes my hands earnestly in his. The blue eyes that cut through the shadows are wide and serious in a way that I’ve never seen from him before. The sight leaves me astonished and more than a little breathless.
“I don’t just mean I’ve come all the way from Texas to California,” he says. “I mean I’ve come so far in general. Back in Texas my life was set in stone. I would have worked on my father’s ranch and I’d marry Lucy and we’d have kids way too young and a sleepy bloodhound guarding the porch. That was the person I would’ve become. I had no choice. When I found rugby, it was the first time I ever felt truly happy and strong and focused. I knew I could make a future that was all my own if I worked hard enough.”
“That sounds like when Kali, Liv, and I started G&G,” I muse wistfully. “We didn't know how viral we would go, but we loved it so much that it didn’t matter. It was exhilarating.”
Boone’s smile widens. “Exactly, darlin’. It was a whole new world. I’d never played a single sport before rugby, either. I was fourteen when I found a flyer at school announcing tryouts. I can still remember staring at that little piece of paper for what felt like hours. Something about the wordrugbyjust called to me. When I got to the tryouts, I was so worried that I’d never be able to get a grasp of it because I was older than some of the other kids starting out. But my first coach never let me doubt myself for a minute. He saw something in me from the very first minute I stepped on that field.” He lets out a snort. “Dang, did my parents hate it, though. They said it was stealing me from them. I guess in a way they were right, but rugby gave me freedom and passion and everything I’d been looking for my whole life.”
I don’t say anything right away, too intent on absorbing his past. “Have they come around?”
It’s Boone’s turn to be silent. Then he slowly smiles again. “Yes. Or, at least, they’re trying. They found a foreman for the ranch who’s better than I ever could be. They’ve even flown out here for a game or two since I moved, and we talk every now and then. One day, I know I’ll make them proud. I’ll make them see that the man I’ve become is who I was meant to be.”
As he speaks, Boone lays his hand on top of my own. Our fingers lace and I’m left staring down at our intertwined palms. I’m afraid to even breathe, terrified that I might ruin the fleeting moment. There’s something so fragile and delicate about the way he’s holding me now. If I wasn’t so scared to move, I would pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming again.
Every inch of my body quivers. I can’t even control it. Electricity surges through my veins instead of blood. I tip my head back, finding his face close to mine, and all I can think about is how little effort it would take to close the distance between our lips.
His eyes drift to my mouth and he clutches my hand a little tighter before abruptly pulling back. Still holding onto my hand, he climbs to his feet, then helps me up. His strong, broad-shouldered body is silhouetted by the moonlight.
“I should get you home, Cinderella,” he says softly. “It’s almost midnight.”
The last thing I want to do is leave, but I force myself to nod.
As we walk back toward the party, he wraps his arm around me, and I can’t help but feel like there’s something different in his embrace this time. It’s as if he’s somehow managed to travel a thousand miles away despite his presence at my side.
Where did this sudden distance come from?
And why is it so painful?
Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to stop walking, throw my arms around his neck and press my lips to his and drag him back to me. Not for appearances’ sake, but because I want him. I’m craving him, heart and soul. Everything I learn about Boone makes him more beautiful and wonderful and interesting, and yet, I know I’m not allowed to feel this way. I can’t. We agreed that things would be simple, but now my feelings are so complicated that I can hardly even contain them.
If I were to admit that I deeply care about my sexy, southern boyfriend, it would mean losing him forever. I’d rather my heart break into a thousand little pieces than say goodbye to Boone forever.
