* * *
It wasn’t even 1600—4:00 p.m.—by the time they got to his hotel, but Knox could tell Rachel was already wiped out. Between the shootout in the courthouse and the hours of questioning, followed by her boss putting her on indefinite desk duty, it had been a really long day for her. Thankfully, Diego had sent them a text as they’d been walking down the hall to the room, saying Rachel had an appointment with Delacroix tomorrow at nine in the morning.
“If you want to take a shower and get cleaned up, I can fix us something to eat and you can crash early.” He dropped her weekender bag on the floor in the bedroom, then walked back into the living room. “You look exhausted. And before you ask, I have no problem sleeping out here on the couch. My offer didn’t come with any strings.”
Rachel wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek against his chest and squeezing him tightly. “Well, when I accepted your offer, it sure as hell came with strings. So, don’t think about skipping out of taking me to bed and holding me all night. It’s probably stupid, but the truth is, I only feel safe when I’m in your arms.”
Knox couldn’t describe the sensation hearing those words created in him. It wasn’t like anything he’d ever experienced before. Figuring he’d sound like an idiot if he mentioned it, he kept the thought to himself and settled for squeezing her tighter.
“I lied to Gage today,” Rachel whispered against the material of his shirt. “When I said that what happened at the courthouse was a blur, I mean. I actually remember almost everything.”
He didn’t know if that was good or bad. “Is there something in particular you didn’t want him to know?”
“I saw the clown again.” She shuddered in his arms. “I know it sounds insane—thatIsound insane—but when those four men attacked, one of them turned into the clown from my nightmares. He looked like him, sounded like him, even smelled like him—like something dead and rotting. He was the one I shot in the face. I had to do it to shut him up. But then one of the other men turned into the clown, laughing and taunting me. But when I killed that one, it was like the clown jumped out of that guy’s body and into the last one. That’s when things did get blurry. I don’t remember how I ended up in your arms. I remember killing the last guy, then you were there.”
Knox continued to hold her, rubbing soothing circles on her back, hoping it would make her feel better. At the same time, he wished he could make this all go away. But he didn’t know how.
“I know you won’t believe it—heck, I don’t believe it myself—but I swear I could feel the evil in that room with me,” she said. “It only left when you got there and put your arms around me.”
Rachel didn’t say any more and Knox didn’t ask any more questions. Taking her hand, he led her into the bathroom and helped her get her clothes off, then joined her in the shower. He spent a long time washing her hair and massaging her shoulders, suds and warm water streaming down her beautiful body. Then, when he’d rinsed her off and dried her with a towel, he carried her to bed and made love to her until she was too exhausted to think about anything.
Chapter 12
“You don’t have to lie on the couch unless you want to.”
Rachel dragged her gaze away from the leather sofa against the far wall to see Dr. Hadley Delacroix smiling at her from across the big cherrywood desk that dominated the office. Rachel couldn’t help but find her amusement disarming.
“Honestly, most people prefer to sit right where you are, and we talk like two good friends.”
Rachel nodded and sat back a little more in the stuffed armchair in front of the desk, settling in for what she feared would be a long, painful experience. It would have also been nice if Knox could have come in with her, so he could have told the story from his perspective. But Hadley wanted to start the session with just the two of them. The one saving grace was that Hadley Delacroix didn’t fit with Rachel’s preconceived idea of what a shrink was supposed to look and act like. Instead of the dry, colorless person she’d built up in her mind, Hadley was friendly, had crazy-long fingernails painted bright fuchsia, and wore a colorful flower print dress with high heels. Even the reading glasses she wore were stylish.
As they sat there in silence, Rachel glanced around the room before turning back to Hadley, in part to take in the modern, slightly edgy decor, but also to give herself a chance to get a read on the woman behind the desk, a woman she’d only just met yet was somehow supposed to bare her soul to. It was a daunting proposition. It had taken all Rachel’s courage to talk about her nightmares to her two pack mates—and to Knox. She couldn’t imagine how she’d be able to do it with Hadley.
Even using the doctor’s first name felt odd. They’d gotten that issue out of the way while the two of them had been standing in the reception area with Knox and Diego, shaking hands and exchanging names. Hadley seemed to think it would be easier to talk if they kept things informal. Rachel wasn’t so sure of that. She could walk up to any random stranger in the street and call them by their given name. That didn’t mean she wanted to confess to them that she was a complete mess.
“I can only guess what’s going through your head right now, but trust me when I say you aren’t the first person who’s sat in that chair, feeling apprehensive about opening up and talking about the things that scare them,” Hadley said. “Things they’d rather keep buried.”
“But we can’t keep scary things buried, can we?” Rachel murmured, not sure if she was talking to Hadley or to herself. “Or they’ll come out on their own.”
Hadley nodded, her dark eyes full of empathy. “Unfortunately. Our minds have a way of forcing us to confront our issues whether we want to or not. And it seems like the harder we fight the process, the more painful it becomes. But I suspect you already know a little something about that.”
Rachel rested her elbows on the arms of the chair, clasping her hands on her lap. “How much did Sergeant Dixon tell you about what happened yesterday at the courthouse?”
While Diego had texted her yesterday to say Hadley would see her this morning, Gage had been the one who’d set up the appointment.
“Very little, actually. He mentioned there were issues you needed help with and asked if I could fit you in this morning, but he didn’t give me any details.”
Rachel sighed. She appreciated her alpha had gone out of his way to help her while still keeping her secrets, but in some ways, it would have been a lot easier if Hadley already knew everything. Then Rachel wouldn’t have to be the one to tell her.
“Maybe it would be easier if we started out with you telling me why you’re here,” Hadley suggested when Rachel didn’t say anything. “Don’t worry about why Sergeant Dixon thought you might need my help. What do you want out of these sessions with me?”
Figuring she was going to have to start talking at some point, Rachel took a deep breath and threw herself in the deep end of the pool. “I’m here because I keep seeing and hearing things that aren’t there. I think I’m losing my mind, and I need your help to get my head screwed back on straight before I end up killing someone I care about.”
Hadley placed her reading glasses on the desk, then sat back in her leather chair, a surprised look on her face. “Having someone be so honest this early in the conversation is refreshing to say the least. Knowing I don’t need to worry about you grasping the importance of these sessions makes my job much easier, that’s for sure.”
Even though there was nothing remotely funny about the situation, Rachel gave her a small smile. “I thought you’d appreciate my desire to get everything out in the open. I wouldn’t have agreed to come if I didn’t think this was serious.”
“Out in the open is good,” Hadley replied with a smile. “So, let’s start with why you think you’re losing your mind, which is a completely unacceptable phrase, by the way. I’ve been doing this for a long time and I’ve never found anyone’s missing mind hidden in the couch cushions or under a coffee table.”
