She knew she’d said she didn’t want to pry, but she was shocked by how eager she was to know about Zane’s past. She wasn’t sure if he’d tell her about it, though. He didn’t seem like the sharing type.
Across from her, his expression betrayed something painful, something long buried he’d probably prefer not digging into. “The men in my family have served in the British Army for generations, and there was never any doubt I’d serve, too. Hell, at one point, I thought I might make a career of it.”
“But?” Alyssa prodded.
He tensed, his shoulders and chest visibly tightening up. Damn, maybe it had been a bad idea to bring this up.
“I was in Afghanistan with three other members of my special ops unit,” he said, not looking at her. “We got involved in a rescue mission that went badly. The other guys—men I’d been friends with for years—didn’t make it. I barely did myself.”
All the air was sucked out of Alyssa’s lungs at that announcement. It took everything in her not to start crying. She had no idea why, since she barely knew Zane and hadn’t known any of his friends, but she could feel the pain he was carrying like it was her own.
Before she realized what she was doing, she reached across the table with her right hand, inviting him to take it. She expected him to offer his left hand since it was opposite hers, but instead, he used his right. It was a little awkward, but she was surprised he’d accepted the gesture at all, so she wasn’t going to complain.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly, squeezing his hand. “I can’t even imagine what it’s like going through something like that, but I hate that you had to.”
He glanced down at her hand where it held his like he’d just now noticed it. He gave her a small smile, then slowly pulled his hand away. Alyssa immediately missed the warmth under her fingers.
“Thanks, but it was a long time ago,” he said. “I don’t even think about it now.”
That was a lie if she’d ever heard one, but she didn’t call him on it, deciding it was better to keep him talking. “So I’m guessing your family freaked out when you got injured. Is that what you guys fought about? It must have been pretty serious to get you to leave the country and move all the way to Dallas.”
“We fought about my injuries, just not the ones you’re referring to.” He spoke slowly, like it was painful to get the words out. “My physical injuries healed up surprisingly fast. Amazingly fast to be truthful. But the man who came back from Afghanistan wasn’t the one they knew, and my family didn’t handle that very well. They talked a lot about wanting me to get better, but what they really wanted was for me to go back to being the person I’d been before. When that didn’t happen, they walked away from me.”
“Wait a minute,” she said, sure she’d missed something. “Are you telling me your family turned their backs on you because you were dealing with stuff that takes time to work out?”
She avoided sayingPTSD. She’d known a lot of people who hated that acronym and all the negative connotations that came with it.
“It wasn’t all on them.” He looked out the window, his gaze focused on the garage. “It took me a while to accept it, but mostly, it was me. I knew I was changing, turning into some kind of monster. I could see it every night in the mirror when I woke up from the god-awful nightmares. But I didn’t reach out to anyone for help. I guess it was easier to shove them all away—my parents, my brothers and sisters, even my fiancée.”
Fiancée?
To say Alyssa was shocked as hell at that tidbit of information was an understatement.
“You were going to be married?” she asked in disbelief. “And she walked out on you?”
He gave her a shrug. “Like I said, I pretty much turned into a monster. That wasn’t what Sienna had signed up for, and I’ve never held it against her.”
Alyssa bit her tongue to keep from saying something she shouldn’t. Zane was apparently a lot more forgiving than she was. If someone had walked out on her like that—someone who was supposed to be in love with her—she’d be royally pissed.
His fiancée might be well in the past, but that didn’t mean Alyssa wanted to hear about her, so she changed the subject.
“How did you end up in Dallas?” she asked.
Zane snorted. “I’ll admit, it wasn’t exactly a well-thought-out plan. I’d been separated from the army, wasn’t talking to my family, my fiancée walked out, and I had no real job prospects. Oh, and I had enough money in the bank to last me three weeks.” He unwrapped his third burger of the night. “I was sitting on a bench in Hyde Park, wondering what the hell to do next, when this big American bloke sat down next to me and asked right out of the blue if I’d ever thought of becoming a cop. That man was Gage Dixon, the commander of the Dallas SWAT team. He was attending an Interpol conference in London and had gone for a walk when he found me.”
Good thing her mouth was full of french fries; otherwise, it probably would have fallen open. “You’re kidding, right? You meet a stranger on a park bench in London, and just like that, he offers you a job in Dallas? You didn’t even know him.”
Zane chuckled. “I know you’ve never met him, but suffice to say Gage is an extremely persuasive man. And as strange as it might seem, we had a lot in common at the time. I truthfully couldn’t have found Dallas on a map, but he had me convinced to move there within ten minutes.”
“It’s not really my area of expertise, but weren’t there…I don’t know…visa issues to deal with?”
“My mum is American, so I have dual citizenship. Moving to the States wasn’t that complicated for me even though I’d never been here prior to that.”
Alyssa couldn’t believe Zane’s family had abandoned him. How could parents turn their backs on a son like that? Yeah, Zane had said he’d pushed everyone away, but to Alyssa, who was from a close family, it seemed harsh.
“So you up and moved to Dallas completely on a whim and haven’t spoken to your family since?” she asked. “Not even a call during the holidays?”
He picked up some fries and dunked them in mayo. “I’ve tried to call a few times. I’ve even gotten as far as picking up the phone and punching in the number. But I always hang up before it rings.”
