Chapter Eleven
DANE TOOK A deep breath and blew it out slowly. He’d been standing outside Lexi’s door for the past five minutes trying to get the courage to ring the doorbell. Damn, he was pathetic.
He wanted to blame it on the last two sleepless nights he’d had, but in reality it was plain old fear. It wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t been able to talk to her Tuesday night after their fight because the call she’d gone on had kept her out until nearly two and when she’d gotten back, she’d made a beeline for the female sleeping quarters. He’d hoped to see her after their shift ended, but she’d already left by the time he’d come downstairs”.
He could have stopped by to see her yesterday—or even called her—but the truth was, he’d chickened out. He had to talk to her today or face her tomorrow at work without getting any of this mess straightened out. He definitely didn’t want to do that.
Telling himself to stop being such a damn coward, he rang the doorbell.
He hoped Melinda wasn’t the one who answered. That would be awkward. Hell, Lexi’s roommate probably already knew all the stupid stuff he’d said and probably would kick him in the balls for being an asshole to her friend.
When the door opened, he was relieved to see Lexi standing there. She had on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top, her silky, dark hair hanging down her back. Her blue eyes were guarded, like she wasn’t sure what he was going to say. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what he was going to say either. He only hoped it wasn’t something else stupid. That was a distinct possibility since he’d never been very good with words—unless you considered pissing off the most important people in his life to be a talent. In that case, he was a master of the English language.
He cleared his throat. “Can I come in so we can talk?”
She regarded him in silence for a moment then stepped back. “Yeah.”
He stepped inside and waited while she closed the door then followed her over to the couch. The TV was on with the sound down low. It looked like some kind of news special report.
“Did you see the news this morning?” Lexi asked, gesturing to the TV as she sat down on the sofa and tucked her feet under her.
Dane took a seat on the adjacent couch, careful to leave a little distance between them. “No. Something interesting on it?”
“The police caught those people who have been running the street racing events all over town,” she said. “Detective Maxwell was on a few minutes ago talking about the arrest. Apparently, it was nothing more than a big game of I-dare-you. Twenty car wrecks and multiple serious injuries over a four-day period for a silly game.”
Didn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense, did it? “At least they caught the jackasses before someone died. That’s the important thing.” He glanced toward the bedrooms “Is Melinda here?”
Lexi shook her head. “No. She’s been working nearly back-to-back shifts at the hospital the past couple of days. She called this morning and said she was going to crash for a few hours in the nurse’s lounge then work another shift today.”
Damn, Melinda’s schedule sounded worse than a firefighter’s. He was glad they were alone in the apartment, though. It would make it easier to say what he had to say.
“I guess I should start with an apology,” he said quietly. “I was a complete ass, and what I said to you at the station was totally out of bounds.”
Dane didn’t know what he expected her to say, but all he got was a nod and an expectant look. He guessed that was her way of telling him to keep going.
“I never intended to imply that I didn’t think you could do your job,” he continued. “Or that you were foolish or reckless or anything else that you may have taken from my crappy choice of words.”
“Then what were you implying?” she asked simply.
He shrugged. “That’s it. I wasn’t implying anything. I wasn’t even thinking. I was reacting to seeing you climb out of the sunroof of that car as it hung there on the edge of the overpass. When I realized how close to being killed you’d come, my head shut down and everything that came out of my mouth was driven by pure fear.”
Lexi considered his words. “I can understand that, but if you had the chance to go back and do it all over again, would you do anything differently?”
It was his turn to ponder her words. “Knowing what I know now? Knowing how much I hurt and embarrassed you? Yeah, I’d do it all differently.”
Dane paused before continuing, wanting to make sure everything came out right this time. He was still as terrified as he’d been that night they’d argued at the station, but for a completely different reason. This time, he was worried he was going to say something that would drive Lexi away forever. He couldn’t live with himself if that happened.
“For one thing, I’d tell you that what I saw was the bravest, most selfless thing I’d ever witnessed. You were amazing,” he said. “And as soon as I finished, I would have pulled you into my arms and hugged you and told you that I’d never been so scared in my life. That in all the times I’d risked my life in a fire or some other rescue scenario, I never feared death like I did at that moment. Because you’re more important to me than anything, even my own life.”
Dane wanted to tell her he loved her right then, because he did. He come to that realization the other night on the overpass, but hadn’t admitted it to himself until this morning. As much as he wanted to pour his heart out to Lexi, saying those three all-important words while they were trying to work through an issue as great as this one would be too much like emotional blackmail.
So he said the next best thing.
“Lexi, I know I screwed up and said some pretty crappy stuff the other night, but I can’t stand the idea of walking away from what we have. I need you to know that I’m willing to keep working on this. I hope you’re willing to let me.”
Tears filled her eyes, and for a moment he feared she was going to tell him it was too late. That she’d already decided to move on.
“I want to believe you,” she said softly. “But how are you going to handle it the next time I have to do something you think is too dangerous? I don’t get put into life and death situations as often as you do as a firefighter, but it will happen at some point.”
