She wasn’t even sure where all the pain came from. Leaving her home, her father. Seeing the awful things Jedidiah’s men did to Gil. Knowing she was part of the reason that had happened. Knowing her father was the man behind it all. Knowing her father was such an awful man, yet still wanting him to love her, to call her his daughter and look at her with those eyes that said she’d done well. That he was pleased with her.
And Mama. If only Mama were still alive, these past twelve years wouldn’t have been so hard. Yet would they really have been better? She would have been able to share the weight of her father’s actions—and the weight of what he wanted for her—instead of bearing it alone. She could have shared the weight of his expectations, which she’d felt compelled to fulfill, no matter what.
But could she really wish her mother had been there to endure all that? How could she be so selfish? Such a selfish daughter.
The more her mind spun, the more sobs heaved out of her, tears long since blurring her eyes so she could see only outlines of the cabin around them.
She had to pull herself together. She could apologize for this outburst and somehow move on from it.
Maybe Jude and Angela were the only ones who’d seen her collapse. Perhaps they wouldn’t tell the others.
When she finally reined in the emotion and pulled back from Angela, the poor woman’s hair and shoulder were completely soaked. Jess sniffed and wiped one eye, then Angela pressed a cloth in her hands. “Here.”
Jess used it to wipe the other eye and her nose, then sucked in a long breath as she took in Angela and Jude.
A hand pressed her shoulder from behind, and she spun to see who was there.
Gil sat in the chair beside her.
Her heart leapt, and a fresh wave of emotion clogged her throat. Gil.
That one good eye twinkled at her, its warmth the home she’d been craving. Part of her wanted to curl into his chest and let him hold her. She couldn’t do that of course. Not with him injured and here in front of his family.
Speaking of his family, if Gil had come in here, where were the others? The women and the men who’d come in with Jude?
A glance around showed that the door to the room where Gil had been lying was closed. Were they all in there? Surely not. They must have gone outside. To get away from her crying?
Heat flushed her ears once more, but Gil’s warm hand slipped under hers, weaving their fingers together. Calling her back to him.
“Anything I can do?” His voice was low, almost intimate.
He hadn’t asked what was wrong. Gil seemed to always know what she needed. He probably understood why she’d been crying more than she did. And he’d left his bed—injured as he was—and come out here to be with her.
He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, a gesture that already felt so familiar, and she shook her head. "I’m all right. Truly. I think it just all caught up to me.”
“I know what you mean.” He nodded past her. “I see you’ve met Angela. She’s one of the good ones. Not quite as bossy as Dinah.”
Angela pressed her lips in a smile. “Don’t listen to him. Dinah’s wonderful. Like a mother hen to us all.”
A grin tugged at Jess’s cheeks, despite everything. She needed to try to explain what she was feeling to Angela. “I’ve never really been around women. My mother died when I was eight, and then it was just my father and me. The only people around us were men who worked for us. My only friends were the miners, though I didn’t know them well.”
She ducked her chin a little. “I’ve never really been around women. Not like this. In a group. I’ve…wanted this, but…”
Angela chuckled. “We’re a little overwhelming, I know exactly what you mean.” She glanced back at her husband, who’d taken the chair behind her sometime during Jess’s crying fit. “Before Dinah and Naomi came, it was just the six brothers and Lillian and Sean. Poor Lilly had to put up with all those boys.”
Angela’s smile lit her eyes as she gripped her husband’s hand. “We’ve been adding to the ranch, one by one. Mostly wives so far, but soon we’ll be adding more little ones.” Her other hand clasped Jess’s fingers. “We’re so very happy you came, Jess. I hope you’ll stay a long, long time.”
A new round of emotion rose in Jess’s throat, but she forced a smile to clear it away. She had to change the subject before she started crying again.
She turned to Gil. “Did you eat? This stew is wonderful.”
His mouth curved. “I did and it is. Almost as good as yours.” Then he squeezed her hand. “Come on. I told Jericho we’d givethe whole story soon, and I don’t think I can hold him off much longer.”
She rose from her chair along with the others and braced herself for the coming conversation. The Coulters would be angry at her father. Some of them might even see her as the enemy. But Gil would be at her side through it all.
And maybe Angela and Jude too.
As the family gathered and pulled chairs into a large circle in front of the hearth, Gil led her to a bench with a back and armrests that was wide enough for two. He settled in beside her, still not releasing her hand.
