Grant’s heart still raced from how close he’d come to kissing her. He’d stopped himself, though. Or rather, she’d stopped him.
Just in time.
Now he owed her an explanation. She wouldn’t understand unless he told her his story.
Told her everything.
Her deep blue eyes drew him like a moth to a flame. He wanted to turn away but couldn’t find the strength.
“Faith.” His voice barely sounded above the flow of the river. He cleared his throat to give it more strength. “I can’t let there be anything ... between us.”
His words hung heavy in the air between them. She held his gaze, searching. She would never guess what all he had to tell her.
The words lodged in his throat like a stone. But as he looked into her eyes, the strength he needed lay glistening there.
He inhaled a steadying breath. “There’s so much you don’t know about me. For one, I was married.”
She didn’t even gasp, but he could no longer meet her gaze. He turned to look at the water. “She died nearly two years ago.” Almost the length of time they’d been married.
Poor Gloria. She’d deserved so much better than him. He’d done his best to make himself worthy of her. To make her proud. To satisfy her with the life she’d always known and loved.
That line of thought always brought pain, so he pulled his focus back to the facts. “Her liver stopped working. It all happened so fast. She sometimes felt unwell, more so that last year. But she didn’t let it slow her down. She lived for her social calendar, even in a frontier city like St. Louis.
“And then, at a party one night, she began casting up her accounts in the retiring room, and she couldn’t stop. I hadn’t escorted her that night. Her father went in my stead. I was an assistant with the solicitor’s office her father started, and one of the partners had a big court proceeding the next day. I was the man who did all the research, laid out the arguing points.”
He swallowed down the burn that rose when he remembered that time. Those hard years when he’d worked endlessly to prove himself but never managed to measure up. “Her father brought her home, and the doctor arrived soon after. Two days later, Gloria had faded to a sallow, frail version of herself. She barely had the strength to lift a cup of tea, and then she couldn’t keep down what she drank.”
He fought to push through the images his mind brought back. “Her father was furious. Demanded Doctor Scott tell him exactly what had caused her liver to fail. The doctor handled him well, better than most men did when Malcolm Sistaire raised his temper. He said liver failure couldbe caused by many things. Childhood illness that left undetected damage. Genetic predisposition. Ongoing consumption of alcohol. Certain poisons.”
He summoned a shrug. “My father-in-law decided poison was the only possibility from that list, and he had me arrested for poisoning my wife. The police were waiting for me when I arrived home from her graveside service.”
Faith did emit a slight gasp this time. “Grant.” Then her voice gentled. “You weren’t to blame for her death.”
He kept his gaze fixed on the ground. “Her parents thought so. When it became clear their charge of poisoning wouldn’t stand in court, they accused me of not caring for her properly, of neglecting her needs.” He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. His fingers dug into the earth beneath him, desperate for some semblance of grounding in this moment of vulnerability.
“I’m so sorry for your loss. The loss of your wife, and the abandonment of her family when you needed them most.” Her words hung in the air, rising above the sound of the flowing water.
He didn’t need Mr. and Mrs. Sistaire. Their turning against him had been almost a relief. He could leave that life without feeling like he owed them anything. Yet talking about all this—remembering it all—brought the weight of those days pressing down on his chest, making it hard to breathe.
He looked up at Faith, and her eyes locked with his, their depths reflecting the sincerity behind her words. Her gaze never wavered, just kept an openness that soothed the raw wounds that had festered for so long.
She was far too special for him. He didn’t deserve theway she seemed to still care about him, despite learning this dark part of his past.
She dipped her chin. “What happened next?”
He sent her a grim smile. “It took the court four months to decide I was telling the truth and acquit me. By then, I only wanted to leave St. Louis. That city had been nothing but a bad memory my entire life. It took a while, but I finally found the family who had adopted my little brother. Mrs. Sheldon had died, and Mr. Sheldon said I’d missed Will by one year.”
He didn’t say the words he’d thought so often since then.If only I’d tried harder before. He’d promised Will he’d find him. Why had it taken him fourteen years to make good on his vow?
He let out a breath. “I needed the journey west anyway. The farther we go, the more I leave St. Louis behind.” He met her glassy gaze. “I’ve been able to start fresh.” His words made it sound like he intended to build this new lifewith her. He couldn’t leave her thinking so.
His throat tightened, but he forced out what he had to say. “But no matter how much I want my past to disappear, it can’t. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever loved. I don’t have it in me to go through that again.”
Faith’s eyes rimmed red, and she reached for him. Her hand was a combination of softness and calluses, like the woman herself. Innocent and courageous. Not so naïve of this country that she didn’t know the perils, but not afraid to face those dangers for a cause worthy of her determination.
“Grant.” Her voice trembled a little. “You’ve had so many tragedies in your past. I understand why you’d hesitate to allow the chance for loss again. But I hope you won’t closeyourself off forever. To friendship, if nothing else. You’re a good man, and any person would be honored to know you.”
She gripped his hand tighter. “I’mhonored to know you. So many times you’ve set aside your own comfort and safety to help others. You’re wise, savvy, and honest. You kept my secret even when you didn’t agree with my choices. You’ve helped me with my search even when it will delay your own.” Her brows rose, a playful glimmer touching her gaze. “You even left the protection of your traveling companions because you weren’t sure I’d be safe with a strange Indian man.”
