As she shifted so she could see his face nearly buried with the blankets, the ache in her chest tightened. She had to get him more comfortable. If she could take this pain on herself, she would.
But she couldn't. It was her job to act. To call on everything she'd ever learned to help this man who'd become far more important to her than she'd ever meant to allow.
* * *
Aaron's head pounded, but he couldn't tell if it was from the gash behind his ear or the urgency that pressed through him. The darkness he was doing his best to ward off didn't help matters.
Lying here in the dim cabin, the pain in his leg radiating through the entire limb and his head aching, felt too much like those dark days when he was recovering from the gunshot wound. At least they had no laudanum here. He could still taste its sweetness, that desperation for more, to fall under its spell. To find the hint of relief it brought. His addiction had nearly ruined not only his own life, but Nate's and Laura's too.
The scrape of the wood door sounded behind him, and he turned toward the light. The dog padded in first, then Katie stepped in with Sarah in a sling across her front. The two of them brought in even more sunshine than what shone through the open doorway.
They’d become the brightness in his days, both of them. The only rays of light in the darkness since the accident. How many days had it been? Two, maybe three. Maybe thirty.
Too long. He had to get Katie and Sarah to Settler’s Fort. And the supplies in the wagon.
He felt so helpless, lying here with the pain wrapping around him. But he had to be strong. For them.God, help me.
"Brr." Katie unfastened the buttons of his coat, which she was wearing. She'd taken to donning it since the bigger size wrapped all the way around her and the baby. And he didn't need it, lying beside the fire. "The sun is warm, but that wind still makes it so cold."
As he worked his elbows underneath himself to sit up, the pounding in his head felt like an ax splitting wood. Blow after blow.
"Let me help you." Katie scrambled to his side, reaching with her free hand to push him up.
He gritted his teeth, partly against the pain and partly to keep from snapping at her. He hated being helpless. Hated needing her to sweep in and rescue him. And even more, hated feeling resentful.
God, You have to help me. The Lord had pulled him from this mire once, but it had been a hard battle. He couldn't let himself get so deeply entrenched again.
Once he sat upright, he turned sideways on the blanket so he could lean against the wall. His chest heaved as he worked to catch his breath from the effort, but he tried not to let it show.
Katie turned to put more logs on the fire. Now was the time to talk to her about moving on. "Katie."
She tossed the log into the fire, raising a cloud of sparks, before she straightened and turned to him. "Yes?"
He couldn't meet the directness of her gaze, so he shot a look toward the closed cabin door. "You said the sun's bright today?"
"Finally. It's still cold with the wind though. Do you want to try to go outside?" She started to pull his coat off.
He raised a hand to stop her. Shaking his head only worsened the pounding. "We need to get moving. If the sun’s out, maybe it's melting the snow on the road enough that we could get through."
Her brow lined, and her hands moved to cradle Sarah’s sling. "You're not well enough to travel. Even if I do the hard parts, bouncing in the wagon all day will be too painful for you. It might damage your leg more too."
It would hurt, he had no doubt about that. But he couldn't hold Katie and Sarah back. "We have to get to Settler’s Fort before more snow comes. With another storm, the road might be impassable until spring." He finally met her gaze. "You and Sarah need the doctor. You need to be in a house where the wind won’t blow through the cracks, where you'll be warm and dry with people around to help you. And Settler’s Fort needs what's in the wagon."
He let out a long breath. "I can’t do it without your help though." Those words scraped like a knife as he spoke them. "I can drive, but I don't know that I can hitch the team."
Her lower lip slipped between her teeth as she hesitated. "Of course I'll help, but let's wait a few more days. I'll look for a willow tree by the river so the bark can get rid of your headaches." She'd used the last of her supply to make tea for him, and she'd already gone out to look once before.
"I don't want you out in the cold for me. Not for something that's not absolutely necessary. Besides, we can't wait. The minute the roads are passable, we need to start out. Another snow could come anytime."
In her sling, Sarah waved her arms, pressing against the confines of the cloth. Katie swayed, bouncing a little to calm the babe, though Katie's face looked anything but peaceful as she mulled over his words.
The urge to hold that tiny bundle tightened around him. Sarah soothed his nerves when they turned most raw, and maybe freeing Katie's hands would help her in at least a small way. He reached out, and Katie extracted Sarah's wiggling form from the sling, then handed her over.
As he took the babe, cradling her close, meeting her wide eyes, the warmth that settled through him pushed away some of the darkness.Thank You for bringing these two to me.
"How do we know when the road’s ready?" Katie's voice pulled him back to the struggle of reality.
He glanced toward the door again. "It’d be best if at least a foot of it has melted. I'm hoping it's packed down a bit more too. I'll go out and check soon." He just needed another minute with this sweet babe to bolster his energy.
