Her entire body gripped tight, and she couldn’t draw breath. She could only sit now, immobile as he continued to speak.
“You have no idea how much I struggled, Brielle. I knew I had to tell you everything. You already owned my heart, and I couldn’t keep this from you any longer. My struggle was whether I should find out for sure if what I saw was pitchblende or tell you first. I didn’t want to make things harder on you without knowing for sure.” His eyes pleaded with her to believe him, and the desperation in them could never have been feigned.
She’d believed in her heart she could trust him, but knowing and actually doing were a world apart. Especially when he’d been so secretive. If he planned to destroy her peoples’ homes, how could she give her heart to him?
Evan let out a shaky breath. “I decided it was better not to worry you without knowing for certain. So, that night while Philip was sleeping, I sneaked down to the assembly room and cut samples of the rock from the wall.”
She jerked her gaze to his face. He’d deceived her?
Apology shone in his eyes, mixed with that pain from before. “It was wrong. I shouldn’t have sneaked. I wish I had told you first. I can’t tell you how many times that choice has haunted me. Especially since the next morning was when you went out in the blizzard to find Marcellus. The fear oflosing you tore me apart, especially when I hadn’t told you how much I love you.”
Confusion churned inside her. Part of her wanted to jump to her feet, to step away from him until she knew for sure what he planned. But just as she’d trained herself not to react in front of the council, to wait and learn all the details before responding, she held herself still now.
“I hated that the last thing I’d done was an act that broke the trust you’d placed in me.” His voice cracked and the sheen in his eyes illuminated the red lacing them. “I’m sorry, Brielle. Can you forgive me? I won’t ever lie to you again, not for any reason. It’s so—” his voice cracked again, but he continued, even as his words wobbled—“important that you trust me.” He pressed his free hand to his chest as though it hurt as much as hers did.
Her own heart ached with the emotions swirling. Could she accept his apology? Had he really told everything now?
She stood and walked a few steps away to give herself space to think. If they were to move forward, they would both have to commit to full truth. They would have to focus on rebuilding trust.
She spun to face him, working for the right words. He slowly stood, watching her, looking as if he were trying to decide what she wanted from him.
She met his gaze. “What did you find about the rock in the assembly room?”
His face turned grim. “It is pitchblende.”
Her chest tightened. They were facing the worst, then. She lifted her chin and braced herself for him to continue his story. “What next? What happened after you found the mineral?”
“When I learned you were out in the blizzard, I did everything I could to be allowed to go look for you.”
Audrey had said he was worried, but she’d not heard details. In truth, there’d not been much time to talk between her return and learning of Gerald’s plot.
Evan nodded. “Audrey brought two men from the council for me to plead my case to. One was the taller man who’d come with your father the first time Gerald and I brawled.”
“Erik?” Erik was responsible for maintaining the lawbook, and he tended to follow rules and edicts to the letter. He would not be likely to change a command the council had issued.
“I guess. He wouldn’t be swayed.”
She bit back a smile. “He usually can’t be.”
Evan’s gaze grew earnest. “God showed me that my role in helping you was prayer. I spent the night interceding on your behalf. And Marcellus’s. Then for your father and uncle and the other men who went out.”
Again, his gaze shimmered, and the emotion in his words softened her fears a little. If he was focused on seeking God’s will, on obeying Him even when it was hard, maybe she could trust his actions.
“God answered those prayers.” Emotion caught in his voice. He eased out a long breath as he worked to gather himself.
Then a slight chuckle slipped out, and he shook his head as if he couldn’t believe how the story was about to turn. “I was determined to tell you everything as soon as you came to my cell. But when Leonard and I were on our way back to that room, we stopped for him to see his brother-in-law, who had just returned from looking for you. That was where I overheard Gerald’s plan.”
His shoulders sagged and his chin dipped, so he had to look at her through his upper lashes. “Again, I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid if I told you what I’d heard, you would try to handle Gerald yourself ... without help.”
He straightened and leaned in with that same earnestness as before. “I’d sworn to myself I would be your protector, Brielle. You’re so strong and brave and capable. But everyone needs someone standing at their back, shoring up the vulnerable parts. I want to be that person for you. I want to support you and be there when you need me.”
The burn of tears stung her eyes, and it was all she could do to press the moisture back. How could he understand her better than she understood herself? The picture he painted called to her.
He inhaled a deep breath. “So, I turned to the only other man I could trust with your safety. Your father.” He eased out a breath, finally finished speaking. After all, she knew the rest.
Her mind spun as she thought through everything he’d said. She refocused on him as he studied her. He seemed to be waiting for her to speak.
She took a deep breath and worked to sort through her churning thoughts. “It hurt that you didn’t come to me first about Gerald. But I understand now why you didn’t. I need you to trust me, though. Just like I want to trust you.” She swallowed as she prepared for the next part. Was she really going to say this? She had to. For both of them.
