“I know.”
“But he’s gone. You did it. And not only is he gone, but we took down everything he had. Whatever’s left is barely worth anything and I’m sure someone will stamp it out.”
“I know you’re saying important things,” Cian murmurs as his eyes flick down to my lips. “But all I’m hearing is how badly I want to kiss you and I need you to stop talking so I know you want to kiss me too.”
Another laugh warms my throat. “You really need to ask?”
Cian kisses me suddenly, firmly holding me against his body and sealing his lips over mine. Warmth flushes through my body and my heart skips excitedly. Both my hands return to his hair and I tug lightly as his lips slide against mine to adjust the angle, kissing me deeper. There’s so much pressure that I dip backward slightly, but he holds me tight. Then his hot, wet tongue darts out and strokes across the seam of my lips with a soft groan.
I open my mouth immediately, and his tongue slides alongside mine. Our heads shift subtly in opposite directions to align our mouths while our tongues dance together, and a deep sense of peace finally settles in my chest.
By the time we break apart, we’re both breathless and the truth about my pregnancy bubbles up inside me. But I hold back. Telling him now when I haven’t seen a doctor will ruin the moment. Waiting until we’re back in the States will be best.
“What are you thinking about?” Cian asks me softly, nudging his nose against mine.
“You mean other than how good it is to kiss you under the sun with your arms around me even though we’re in the middle of the street?” I tease softly.
“Yes.”
“I’m thinking about how it’s time for us to go home.”
36
CIAN
New York is cold.
Quiet.
After landing, Faina wanted me to come with her, but I needed some time.
The last time I was here, I had my entire family surrounding me. Now there’s nothing but silence.
And it hurts.
Killing Hawk hasn’t brought me the peace I ache for.
It was there for a little while when I was with Faina in Australia. I could pretend things were okay because she was with me and that was all that mattered. She’d light up while talking about the future and that kind of hope was infectious.
But without her, I’m alone.
The landlord sold my apartment in my absence, so I spent one night at a motel. The second night was spent in my new apartment after looking at places all day trying to find somethingthat felt right. In the end, just getting a roof over my head became the priority and I signed the lease on the next apartment I visited.
With a single bed and a small balcony overlooking the city, sleep didn’t come.
Instead, I pored over all the news from the city that I missed. Half of the Gifford clubs were burned to the ground. The hospital Evelyn owned was attacked multiple times and closed down, and even a few of the motels she and Cormac worked on were gone. The Italians and the Russians didn’t fare any better. Hawk really left his mark on New York and the death toll is high.
Nothing compares to the Gifford Manor, though. A quick Google search tells me that the cops found nothing and the case is considered cold and unsolvable. The area is still a mess and after a Scotch or two, I take a taxi to the remains and stand there at three in the morning staring at the scorched, dusty remains of a home we all treasured.
My family died here.
My entire journey started here.
And now Hawk is dead and the pit inside me is still cavernous.
When will it get better? It aches less with Faina, but I can’t make her responsible for my pain. She’s been texting me non-stop trying to get me to meet her, but I haven’t been able to face her since the grief came back.
What if she only loved the version of me that traveled the world seeking revenge? This leftover version with pain in his heart and defeat in his gut isn’t as fun, and he certainly isn’t as lovable.
